Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sometimes it is like this pregnancy is similar to a stepladder. I needed to get to 8-12 weeks before telling anyone, I needed to get to 18 weeks for the anatomy scan, I needed to then make it to 20 weeks where it would no longer be considered a miscarriage, now I need to get to 24 weeks where if something happens the doctors will consider her viable and work hard to safe her life, then it will be 30 weeks (which will probably be the hardest), and so on. I have come to terms that it is okay that I cannot fully enjoy being pregnant. I hear the gasps. I do enjoy being pregnant, but in a different way. I enjoy what is actually happening in my body and having a little girl growing strong inside of me (and from her kicks and punches she is going to be a very strong little girl). I don't enjoy the part of pregnancy that most women enjoy. I don't like thinking of the future. If I don't plan then I can't be let down, right?
Picking out nursery fabric, furniture, names, paints....all of those things that expectant mothers enjoy while their body is transforming. Those things keep them occupied while they are having those not so pleasant pregnancy symptoms. For me they symbolize what I will have to do if something should happen again. They stress me out to where I cannot focus on anything - hence the start of project 365 to make my mind focus somewhere else. I brought back tons of clothes and baby items from my trip last weekend and you know what crossed my mind? What am I going to do with all of these things if I don't need them? Will everyone take their things back because I certainly will not want the items in my house. Picking out fabric - purchasing something for our daughter was a big step. I am still stalling on furniture, partly because I want to see what color will best suit the fabric we have picked out, but also because I am dreading asking the sales associate a particular question - you know, what happens in the event I do not need the furniture after all.
Having a baby shower absolutely scares me to death. I have a friend that is throwing one for me, but I needed to have it after 30 weeks and pretty much at the latest moment in time possible. I know that if I gave into my fears and did not have one I would feel like I missed out on such a special event and look back with regrets. I guess it leaves a horrible taste in your mouth when you had a shower planned and then instead you are attending your child's funeral that same weekend.
We have trips and vacations planned for after BG (still no no name...) arrives and those trips will be so hard to go on knowing that arrangements were made for her to be with us or a babysitter (the grandparents). We have a family trip, 2 class reunions, a trip with friends....
There is part of me that knows everything is going to be just fine - we are going to have this little girl and then join the rest of the non-sleeping, complaining parents out there. Then there is another part saying, "It happened before, it can happen again." I know I should be thinking positive and I am - trust me I have been in such a better place and I am doing very well. I just need to step back and take things slowly, one step at a time. It is the only way I am not going to have a nervous breakdown in the next 15-18 weeks.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
We got into Atlanta and stopped at Ikea - found a couple of things, but nothing too fantastic. Next we headed north to my brother's and arrived about an hour later. We had baked spaghetti and enjoyed the delicious cake my niece baked for us.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
How far along? 20 weeks
Total Weight Gain? 9lbs
Maternity Clothes? Mostly - I am still in my Bella Band, but about once a week I wear some form of maternity pants. Shirts are mostly maternity because they are long enough to cover the belly :)
Sleep? Sometimes! I wake up about 3-4 times a night to use the restroom. I have the craziest dreams that I would rather not talk about because they are too strange and sometimes outright embarrassing to even discuss. Just thinking of them makes me blush.
Best Moment this Month? Having a package arrive in the mail from my friend Aly with her hospital style doppler!! I saw that package on the stoop and opened it like a kid opening presents on Christmas day! That and all of the movement from our little girl.
Movement? Yes! Keep on moving little girl! It helps momma's anxiety :)
Labor Signs/Body Changes? Nothing with labor; body changes - what's not changing??
Belly Button In/Out? In - thank goodness! I will put tape over it again if it pokes out.
What I Miss? Currently my Triscuits that someone at work ate....don't they know not to take food from a pregnant woman?? They will! I also miss the filter for sarcasm.
What I am Looking Forward To: Having this baby!
We had our 20 week check-up today with Judy and all is well in Henninger babyland! Heartbeat was in the 150's, blood pressure was great, all the other things were great...so far so good! We go back in 4 weeks for our 24 week check-up and the dun dun dun....GD test...oh joy. I just love drinking that flat soda and sitting there for an hour waiting.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Well, after the whole "communication error" there was the "oh, lets forget to tell Kimberly what to do and not do before a procedure". That I cannot look away from. That is textbook. The other little tidbit of information I have not blogged about it something that happened in the doctor's office - the day of the ultrasound. It was after all measurements had been taken and all anatomy had been looked at - it was crunch time, the final decision time. I remember asking the doctor what the correlation of my child having an abnormality was with the thickness and time of the measurement. She asked, "oh, didn't Ashley give you that information?" I said, "no." What happened next confirmed my suspensions of Ashley and her job. The look the doctor and the nurse gave each other - it was one of those "once again she didn't do her job right" looks. Once again Ashley failed me - I was not given information to help aide in my decision. The doctor went through the paperwork and did not find the information anywhere. She then asked if that information would help me in my decision that day. Well, of course it would, but I knew my decision was pretty much already made. Besides I thought I remembered reading somewhere that my chances were like 3% or something like that. Maybe I should be paying google for all of my medical information.
So, the point is I don't know what to do. What she is doing is not right. I am assuming that because she was the way she was with me - in each encounter - that she is this way with others as well. I want to file a complaint. I always talk about complaints I need to file, but I never do it. When I start to think of what could happen - and then I think about some ridiculous Lifetime movie. You know, the one where the woman calls the "are you a good driver hotline" to complain about the guy cutting her off; he gets fired; then he stalks her...etc, etc...
I may write this letter and sit on it for a little while...
Monday, February 1, 2010
Now we are looking for things for a nursery and it is overwhelming. First of all I am taking a big leap of faith in even thinking about what to put in the nursery. It is a scary thought that I would have my complete nursery picture perfect to a tea for this little girl and then something were to happen like with Hudson. So the very fact that I am even looking for bedding is a huge deal. It is all my faith in God and knowing that He has His hands on my child that I can even continue on my journey to find the perfect decor. Next I will remind or inform some of you that I am semi-OCD, I have huge ideas, and I am a libra - a.k.a I cannot make decisions.
Saturday my mom and I went to a few baby stores locally - I say a few because we have about 3-4. I found the perfect bedding and furniture. The only issue was to convince John the next day when we took him to see it that he would love it. Sunday after church and lunch we headed to Punch and Judy where the "perfect" set of things were found. Yeah, we got there and I wasn't in love so much anymore. So, we headed off to one of the two fabric stores in town. Savannah can really stink when it comes to shopping sometimes. We picked out some designs - at one point I was sitting on the dirty floor with bolts of fabric surrounding me. My mom checked the measurements she needed and then decided that she would come pick it up tomorrow once she had the measurements from her patterns.
Sunday night John and I were driving home (we had stopped at our friends' house) and I mentioned that I was not sure if I was in love with that fabric either. I thought John wanted to hit something - not literally, but I could see the look of "we just did all of that for nothing" in his eyes. I see the look a lot when I change my mind - about everything. Then I told him, well maybe it was just the one design in the mix. I thought about the fabric choice all night.
Monday comes along and my mom comes up to work. She looks like she wants to cry and she doesn't want to tell me something. She had some fabric in a bag and was telling me about a blanket she was going to make. Next she told me that she didn't buy the fabric - she didn't think I was in love with it. I breathed a sign of relief and told her I wasn't and I had been fretting about it all night and day. She was relieved. I told her my plan that we could go to Atlanta on a specific date because I had a shower to go that weekend as well and we could go shop. She had the same plan!
SOOOO - we still do not have bedding, furniture - anything.....and that is ok with me.