Cry or No?

A couple of weeks ago I posted my status on Facebook as this:

"would like to know all of your opinions (without anyone fighting!!) crying it out - good or bad? THANKS!"

The response was incredible! About 60 total with either comments, messages, or phone calls. After reading everyone's responses and listening to my friends I decided to just to what felt right for John and I. You might remember my post about how I wanted to jump off a cliff because of Heidi screaming each day after I picked her up from my parents' house. Which, by the way, is almost non-existent at the moment - yay Heidi (and mama!!). SO, when I wrote the post about crying it out or not it was around the same time as the wanting to jump off a cliff and I decided I really could not sanely take all that crying. I would probably want to stick my head in the oven. Basically Heidi only will cry when she is placed in her crib to sleep - so we're co-sleeping for now. I know, gasp, and all of you saying, "she's going to be in your bed forever" and blah blah. No, she won't. I do not recall sleeping in my parents' bed (ever actually) when I was 18, do you? She goes to bed easily and it works. What's the harm in treating Heidi like a baby? She is a baby and all she wants is love and to be close to her mom.

Now, in no way am I saying that my way of doing things is better than how you are doing things for your family. There are so many ways to do things and there is not one set right or wrong way to do things, but I know that I am doing things the way that works for us and Heidi. Eventually she will be back in the crib, but for now she sleeps with us :) Heidi is going through a lot right now - she has had three teeth coming in right after the other without a break, growing up so much, and needing a lot of extra energy for all her crawling, pulling up, and trying to walk!

My Day - Continued

I didn't know the videos linked from Facebook would not show up...here is one of them:

Untitled from Kimberly Henninger on Vimeo.

My day

2 Years - late

No, I didn't forget. You never forget. Even though my ears are filled with the most joyous laughter and new word developing sounds; I still remember the day there was no sound. Its as clear as if it happened 10 minutes ago - hard to believe it was 2 years ago on January 16th. Some nights I am haunted by the silence. The only sound being my tears and my fight to be strong. In the day time during day dreams I have flashbacks of the soft little bundle I held that laid there unmoving. Still to this day I wonder what would have happened had they performed an ultrasound the week before. I should have been more insistent.

There is such a conflict of emotions. Hudson and Heidi were both born on the 16th of their birth months. When we celebrate a new month with Heidi its hard not to think how old Hudson would be. With each new milestone or development we celebrate with Heidi, its a constant reminder of what we didn't get to celebrate with him. Everything seems so bittersweet, yet I am able to separate the two emotions. Somehow it all works. I am still waiting for the "one day" to happen. You know the "one day" when it won't sting so bad when people say certain things. I am waiting for the "one day" when it will be easier to be happy for what others have rather than be sad about what I have lost.

Face 2 Face

Many of you might have heard of the group Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope when I wrote a post back in October. This group is dedicated to putting faces to miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. Recently the group has asked for team leaders in all areas of the country. These leaders would basically serve as a person responsible for starting "friendship groups" for BLMs in their area. I have volunteered to serve in the Savannah/Coastal Empire area. If you know of anyone that lives in this area - or you live in this area - please visit this link to facebook where details of events can be found. The first time to meet is in the beginning of February at Carrabbas! For other areas or to volunteer please click here :)

From their page:

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope is all about connection. Hopefully, through our website (and facebook page), you’ve been able to connect with other parents with stories similar to yours. While connecting online is great, there is still something really special about making a face-to-face connection with someone who ‘gets’ what it’s like to lose a baby.
Face2Face Friendship Groups are not meant to be formal ‘support groups,’ but rather simple gatherings of friends who share a deep common bond. Groups of friends hanging out, enjoying a meal or a cup of coffee (or tea! Or wine!), and talking about their babies.

7 months

Heidi - today you are 7 months old!!

• You are at almost 20 lbs and 25" long! I cannot believe how you are "so big", but yet you still look so little compared to other babies.

• Currently you are wearing 6-9 and 6-12 month clothes. Most of your 9 or 12 month pants are still too long for you.
• Sleeping is not a pleasant experience right now. You were doing so well and lately you do not want to sleep away from mama.
• Remember when I was worried you would never take a pacifier? Well no more - you love it and it is so funny when you see it! When we are holding it you will snatch it out of our hands. If we have the back end in our mouth you think its so funny and you imitate the scene from Lady and the Tramp.
• Diapers are a size 3.
• I cannot figure out if its the car seat you hate or its the being away from mommy that makes you scream. Sometimes you are fine, but the other times you scream your head off when you are in the car.

• Still sitting in the big people church and not at nursery. I am not sure when that will happen, but I imagine it might happen soon with you wanting to be mobile and all your squirming and babbling you are doing.
• You are still nursing and eating a couple of solid food meals a day. Its bad to say, but it is so much easier just to feed you your milk and sometimes I do not think about other food. We have been letting you eat more bananas and apples and I think someone snuck you some ham the other day...
• You are such a happy baby - always smiling and laughing! Of course we (I) have a camera in your face so often you have naturally become accustomed to smiling when a camera is put in front of your face. That becomes a little tricky when I want to video you doing something :)
• You are officially crawling!! You have been crawling a lot lately, but I think after the past few days we can consider you an official crawler.
• We have so may toys for you, but you always go straight for the tag to chew on!
• Not only are you crawling, but you are pulling up on everything. No longer can we set you down and let you play because the moment we turn back around now you are somewhere else pulling up on something! Its not that we don't like you pulling up, but sometimes you forget you still need to hold on to things when you stand yourself up.

Stevie's Wedding

This weekend I went to Augusta with my parents for my cousin Stevie's wedding. It was just beautiful! There was still a bit of snow left on the ground in the shady spots. Mostly pictures here!