Happily Henninger: angels

Friday, February 4, 2011

2 Years - late

No, I didn't forget. You never forget. Even though my ears are filled with the most joyous laughter and new word developing sounds; I still remember the day there was no sound. Its as clear as if it happened 10 minutes ago - hard to believe it was 2 years ago on January 16th. Some nights I am haunted by the silence. The only sound being my tears and my fight to be strong. In the day time during day dreams I have flashbacks of the soft little bundle I held that laid there unmoving. Still to this day I wonder what would have happened had they performed an ultrasound the week before. I should have been more insistent.

There is such a conflict of emotions. Hudson and Heidi were both born on the 16th of their birth months. When we celebrate a new month with Heidi its hard not to think how old Hudson would be. With each new milestone or development we celebrate with Heidi, its a constant reminder of what we didn't get to celebrate with him. Everything seems so bittersweet, yet I am able to separate the two emotions. Somehow it all works. I am still waiting for the "one day" to happen. You know the "one day" when it won't sting so bad when people say certain things. I am waiting for the "one day" when it will be easier to be happy for what others have rather than be sad about what I have lost.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

9 Months

Nine months ago today we received the news that devastated our lives. Our little Hudson was no longer with us. Then came the decisions, the painful choices and events. Nine months. In nine months a life could have been created and born. In our nine months we have buried a child, lost a job, found a new job, welcomed many new babies into the world, watched our house being built from beginning to end, bought our house, moved in our house, you see where I am going, right? It seems like an eternity, but yet it's really not that long ago that I was still pregnant. On this nine month anniversary we celebrated Hudson's life. My family, friends, John, and I lifted our balloons and released them to the sky in memory and in honor of Hudson. Not just for Hudson, but for all of the babies out there who are in Heaven. Candles were lit at 7PM all OVER THE WORLD - as a wave of continuous burning light - in order for these precious children to be remembered. The symbolism is much greater than any one human being can imagine. It's not only to remember these children, but it is to honor those that have walked this cruel and grief filled walk. To let them know that you are there for them - with love, actions, words, thoughts, and most importantly prayers.

The afternoon came and I checked my social website where friends already began to post pictures of their balloons and candles lit. I cannot even describe the feeling. To know that so many took the time out of their busy days, to stand in the rain, and release a balloon for Hudson. I began weeping at I the pictures started being posted. Maybe some tears for Hudson, but more for happiness. Happiness that those around a recognizing the life of Hudson and remembering him and all of the other babies. Friends and family posted about the day on their statuses and others would comment about their children that are no longer with us, that they never knew of such a day. Knowing that more people are being educated about this day is such a great feeling. I wish that we did not have a day like this because it is full of sadness, but I am glad we do have one to remember these children.

Below are some pictures from the balloon release and candle lighting. To those friends and family - thank you so much for celebrating with us and for honoring John, Hudson, (Hunter), and I in this wonderful way. We are blessed beyond imagination. **NOTE** I still have more pictures to add, including my own!!**

My cousins Blaine & Aislin and niece Olivia

Woodstock, GA