Face 2 Face

Many of you might have heard of the group Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope when I wrote a post back in October. This group is dedicated to putting faces to miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. Recently the group has asked for team leaders in all areas of the country. These leaders would basically serve as a person responsible for starting "friendship groups" for BLMs in their area. I have volunteered to serve in the Savannah/Coastal Empire area. If you know of anyone that lives in this area - or you live in this area - please visit this link to facebook where details of events can be found. The first time to meet is in the beginning of February at Carrabbas! For other areas or to volunteer please click here :)

From their page:

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope is all about connection. Hopefully, through our website (and facebook page), you’ve been able to connect with other parents with stories similar to yours. While connecting online is great, there is still something really special about making a face-to-face connection with someone who ‘gets’ what it’s like to lose a baby.
Face2Face Friendship Groups are not meant to be formal ‘support groups,’ but rather simple gatherings of friends who share a deep common bond. Groups of friends hanging out, enjoying a meal or a cup of coffee (or tea! Or wine!), and talking about their babies.

Thank You

Over the past couple of weeks I have realized what this blog really is "doing". It isn't just a place I go to write my thoughts out or a place to record our family journal - which is why I originally started writing. I really "got into" blogging the more I read from other women who had experienced the loss of a child. It has been a place to go to write - something I love to do. My grammar and proofreading can be atrocious at times, and I write exactly as I speak - including how I jump from one topic to another. I never thought about who would read this blog or if anyone would even be reading - and neither really influenced my decision to have a blog. One major lesson I have learned is that when you experience an event like John and I did, and with it being an event that we could not keep hidden, others want to know how you are handling your experience.

As a Christian you are looked upon differently when times get tough because lets be honest - it is easy to "act Christianly" when you slide through life without any bad experiences or hardships. Its easy to remain positive and upbeat and say that "everything is gonna be alright" when you haven't had to face trials. I was obviously pregnant and my whole grieving process was therefore public knowledge - whether because of being from a small town, facebook, going to a semi-small college, etc.; either way there was no way to escape. So what else could I have done but put my big girl panties on and let others see what was really going on - the good and bad. Doesn't it make it easier to know that there is someone facing the same trials as you? That others have been there? That you can still believe that God is good no matter what is thrown at you? It is even easy to be on this blog and pretend to always have the best attitude no matter what is thrown your way. What good would all of that do? Nothing - absolutely nothing because it would be fake and others would only become discouraged after reading the blog knowing that they were mad and had a hard time "having a Christian attitude" when times were tough.

Why is it that we try to mask our emotions and only let others see the good? Sometimes there just isn't good - sometimes life really kicks you in the butt and it stinks. Then when that happens what good does it do to have a pity party about your troubles? Nothing - there is no good in self wallowing. Letting others see your vulnerability, I have learned, is what helps others triumph over their hard times. You know the saying about being stronger in numbers? I think it comes into play in this situation because knowing there are others struggling in your same area makes you feel better instead of thinking "why does this have to happen to me". You have someone you can relate to go go to for help.

The past few weeks God has continued to shower me with blessings - blessings that come in the form of good friends, great friends, and friends that I have lost regular contact with. The messages I have gotten lately from friends that have been reading my blog have brought me to tears. Partly because I never knew what an impact this blog, my thoughts, my feelings, Hudson...what they have done to have an impact on others. Laying it all out there and having Hudson's death truly have meaning and purpose has come alive because of you; and I thank you for that, for making that dream of mine come true.

My Weekend and Friendships

This weekend I took a trip to see my brother and his family. The reason for the trip was to go to a sorority sister's wedding. My mom, sister, and niece invited themselves for the trip as well. Here is how the trip started - before we even got on the road I found out my sister's little dog was going to be tagging along as well. Immediately I knew the trip was going to be horrible. My niece is obsessed with this dog - don't get me wrong I am a complete animal lover I won't even hit frogs on the road! The dog hates my niece because she chokes it and makes her sit with her, etc. So I automatically knew that my niece would cry and whine about that dog not sitting in her lap on the trip.

We get on the road - what happens after not even pulling out of the driveway? My niece starts whining because the dog won't sit in her lap. This goes on the remainder of the trip as well as complaining about being hungry, the bunny hop song being shouted out, putting a pillow in the window blocking the view or traffic, me pulling the pillow down, her crying, and various other songs and complaints. She was not silent for a single moment on this trip. Each time one of told her to be quiet she just brushed it off and continued to talk and chat about whatever she wanted to chat about forgetting that there were others in the car. Finally - 5 hours later - we get to my brother's house. I am ready to hit something at this point. We get inside and learn that his daughter, my other niece, is now peeing on the furniture, carpet, etc. Great, now she is a wild animal (a direct quote from my sister-in-law). We actually got to experience this within the first hour when she pulled her panties down and peed on the stairwell. She was put in time-out.

Bedtime is now calling. I am sharing a bed with my sister, her dog, and the chatterbox niece is sleeping on the floor. Throughout the night chatterbox gets up, once because she was scared, and then a couple of other times because why?? That dog. She wanted the dog to be sleeping with her. My sister gets up and chatterbox is saying how much she loves the dog and how cute it is etc. At this point I am exhausted - emotionally and physically. (Emotionally because this was supposed to be Hudson's first road trip.) I sit up and just shout "stop it". That seems to work and at that point if she was crying I did not care. What seems like 2 minutes later the Pee niece comes in and get in the bed which makes Chatterbox niece follow suit. Normally I would not have cared and been happy they joined in for a snuggle fest, but considering I had NO sleep I was not a happy camper. They kept talking, chatter boxing and then the final straw - bouncing on the bed.

Various other events followed during the weekend, but I wouldn't want to make you jealous from all the fun.

This is one event that I wanted to blog about. During the course of the trip my family went to look at some houses in my brother's neighborhood and were talking about the prices. I happened to say, "John and I had looked into moving to this area because of how much cheaper the houses are (compared to the town we live in)". This seemed to spark something in my sister. I mentioned that a ton of our friends live in the area my brothers lives (although we do have friends in Savannah as well) and it was just a thought. The gist of the conversation led to how she gets mad that I tell my friends more than what I tell her or that I tell me friends things first. Then she mentioned the old cliche, "friends come and go, but family is always there."

This is my background. I am a very private person. I do not normally spill my life out to anyone - except John. I am allowed to tell whoever I want whatever I want - no matter if they are friends or family. I believe that a husband and wife should not have to tell everyone everything. We can have our secrets - its our perogative. I let people tell me what they want to tell me and if they don't want to tell me something that is fine. I know that some people are not like that and they will tell anyone and everyone all about themselves or expect others to do the same. That's fine - that's who they are. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with how I am either. I believe that my friendships are just as important as relationships with family. The friendships I have are ones that won't come and go. They are ones that are with people that I could not live without. They are filled with people that will hop in their car and drive between 3 - 17 hours to come to your child's funeral at a moments request. They are the people that if they can't get you on your cell phone to check to see if you are okay they call your house to talk with your parents to make sure everything is okay. They are a part of my family and will remain a part of my family for as long as I live.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?em - an article about the importance of friends...