Donuts for Daddy!

Its the day before Heidi and I leave to go to Atlanta for Olivia's birthday - so we had a few errands to run. The first stop was Dunkin' Donuts to because we needed a snack. We grabbed some munchkins to eat a couple and then take the rest to daddy to share at work.

Heidi and I called Olivia to wish her happy birthday, but she was already at a sleepover for another friend's birthday. So, we made her a little video :)

Meeting

Tonight after work Heidi went with me to a meeting for the Sunshine Girls. This is a group of ladies who “minister” in the strip clubs. It is not what you would normally think of when you hear that a church is on a mission trip. For one it is a local mission. I think most people have this idea that you have to go to a mission trip outside of your local area. Think of all the areas in your city that needed the love of Jesus shown to them. Think of your work environment, the downtown areas – the places you can do “mission work” are endless and they do not require you to go 100s of miles away from your house. Anyway, this group is a group of ladies that go into our local strip clubs. We do not bring Bibles; we do not force them into listening to our Bible stories. The Sunshine Girls go to love on these women. They bring in home cooked meals and are there just to talk. To show love just as Jesus did to the people he ministered to.

Right now the ladies are in just a few clubs, but we are hoping that we will be expanding to others. It is so fulfilling just to love on people that so desperately need to see how good our God is and how great His love is for us. In the past I have cooked for the ladies to take food, but now that dance classes are over for me I am hoping to go into the clubs with the women. It’s something I am going to have to pray hard about because of how my heart grieves for those who do not know the Lord. Unfortunately I cannot separate myself from the grief of others sometimes and it can take a toll on me emotionally.

Before the meeting Heidi and I had dinner at McDonald’s – there was a little boy there that kept walking by our table and he and Heidi would chat each time he passed us. When go arrived at the meeting place we went to see the ducks that were at the pond and Heidi got to feed them some bread. She loved it! Heidi also liked to play with the dogs at the house we were at. This little girl has such a love and heart for animals! She was not even scared of them at all when they ran up to her!

Its Tuesday

It sure felt like a Monday. John went to have his licensed renewed so I was a little late getting to work. It was a fun daddy/daughter day for John and Heidi. I am amazed at how she is evolving into a little girl. No longer does Heidi scream and yell and stomp her feet when I have to leave. Okay, she still does that, but not today. Heidi has absolutely loved playing with her new dollhouse. Every morning she wakes up and says, "Play dollhouse Heidi's room". So sweet :) Its fun to watch how her imagination is working.
Heidi has loved playing with her new baby doll that can go in the bathtub. We have to make sure to wash her hair and her body. The little baby even has her own towel that we must use. Good job Keith :) John made a delicious dinner tonight. The topping had a cheese and Heidi kept running to John asking for more cheese and she looked like a little baby bird.

I am desperate for a pedicure. I think I will have to schedule one soon before our big trip. John and I are going to Las Vegas this summer followed by a fun time at Myrtle Beach! So excited for this much needed vacation. I just lined up a photographer to take our Henninger side of the family pictures while we are all together at the beach. I am super pumped. The only thing I ever request on vacations are for family pictures. I don't care if you don't want to hang out with me the entire week, but by golly we will take a family picture. I think out of all my "material possessions" that pictures are my one favorite. Usually when I go on vacation I will take 100s, but I will also take pictures to remind me of my day or to journal my trip. The easiest way for me to blog is to go through my camera. I take pictures of signs or restaurants and other things that will trigger a memory. I have some random shots from my girls trip to San Francisco - that I still need to blog about - but they make for funny outtakes.

Heidi has been reading a ton. She loves books and to read. I am always so amazed at her memory and the phrases she had memorized from books, book titles, characters, all sorts of things.

I really do not like when my fall/spring shows end, but I do love when my summer shows start {and then hate then they end, its a vicious cycle} and Pretty Little Liars has not disappointed! Such a good show! I wonder if I should attempt to read any of the books. I have heard the television series is not the same, but then again when do I have time to read. I really need to set aside time to read, even if just for 20 minutes a day. I also need to set more time for my devotions...its not something I have been very diligent in....one day it will all fall in line, right? If I wake up at 5AM I should be able to fit it all in, but I do not for see that happening soon. Speaking of things to do - its bedtime, night night y'all!

Recap

The weekend is over? What? It literally flew past in a hurry! I am on the downward slope of the strep antibiotics and so ready for them to be over. My stomach can not handle much more.
Heidi and I hung out around the house because I really did not feel good so I thought it best to have a low key weekend. Saturday we went grocery shopping and to church and that was the extent of leaving the house. Saturday night Keith came to visit and Heidi {after warming up to him} enjoyed playing with him and the new baby doll he brought her.

Sunday Heidi and I did a few arts and crafts for her birthday thank you cards and she really enjoyed the glitter {thanks Dane and Dillon!}. Heidi really does not like to get the glitter or paint in her. Each time she got a little on her fingers I would have to wipe it off :) John put Heidi to bed Sunday night so that I could get some sleep in our bed. A few times the past couple of weeks when she has been sleeping in her bed she would wake up and ask for me, but I would already be asleep so John would put her back to sleep. On occasion she has gotten a little feisty and stomped her little feet saying, "I want Mama!" when John tries to come and pick her up. SO sweet - my little Mama's girl.

I am watching The Bachelorette as I update my blog and is it just me or is Chris {the contestant} acting a little crazy? I seriously saw the crazy eye at one point. I really like Sean and Jef....I also want to know why they filmed Chris Harrison's little segment {when he was explaining what was about to happen in regards to the whole Emily/Arie/Cassie relationship} in the middle of the day making Chris have to squint so much in the camera. Aren't these professionals? I guess they do the same thing at the proposals because the people are always squinting then too. Supposedly this year it was filmed in the middle of the night. No squinting there!

Now John has turned the channel to the baseball NCAA game. The players just poured the ice cold drink the coach. It never amazes me how they always act so surprise that it happened. It always happens...

Sick, sick, sick

I really do not like being sick, but I guess does anyone? It all started Sunday night after I woke up from laying with Heidi during her nap. I ate a cupcake and then I started feeling horrible. No, it had nothing to do with my cupcake - don't even consider that option. The sickness turned into more of my throat hurting and aches on Monday and I really was not pleasant to be around at work. I was not unbearable either - just not really in the mood for human interaction. Monday night we had scheduled Heidi's 2 year/Family pictures to take at Jekyll Island {the same place we had taken Heidi's 1 year pictures}. I was feeling "okay" but not really myself. I knew I could muscle through a few smiles for family pictures. We were running late, as usual, and then we got a call from our photographer letting us know she had gotten a flat tire. We refused to leave her stranded and kept heading towards her car to change {ahem, for John to change} her tire. Once we got there we noticed a little pack of people surrounding her - not helping her with the tire, just chatting it up. When we parked next to her they dispersed. It was odd. Anyways, John got the tire changed and we all got back into our cars to follow her to get a new one. Only 100 feet later and another tire on her car went flat! How crazy is that? Crazier that she had gotten brand new tires put on her car only about a month ago from Savannah Tire. Never go there, seriously.
She jumped in our car as she called her insurance company to see about a tow truck while we headed to grab a bite to eat. After grabbing food we headed back to her car to meet the tow truck driver. We dropped her off {which I was not comfortable with} after taking several pictures of the tow guy and his truck. Come to find out our little photographer was armed. The process went well for her and she even booked a wedding!

While we were driving home I started feeling worse and I told John he would have to take on putting Heidi to bed for the night. Once we arrived home I climbed in bed and fell asleep. Heidi did lay with me for a little at first to nurse and then John came and got her, which she was not happy about, and put her in her bed. Then for some unknown reason the delivery guy {not sure which company} knocked on the door at 9:30PM. I was delirious, heard Hunter bark, and Heidi wake up. Luckily John took care of everything, but was confused as to why I had ordered a sleeping bag.

Tuesday morning I woke up barely able to swallow and made an appointment to go to an Urgent Care place. I have found that it is much easier and faster to get an appointment in a place like that rather than a regular doctor. The last time I was sick I called my regular doctor and they were like oh yeah, you can come in next Wednesday - ugh. So, made the appointment and Heidi and I went to the Urgent Care place to hopefully "help mama feel better" to quote Heidi. By the way, she is the cutest and likes to hold my cheeks in her hands while making a concerned sad face and says the whole feel better thing. Adorable, unfortunately adorable was not going to help.

We waited at the doctor and then guess what - I have strep throat. What? Not happening. After a shot {which after the nurse put a band aid on it and left Heidi insisted upon having a band aid on the same place I had one} and an antibiotic I was good to go home and rest. I took Heidi to my mom's house to stay the night and then headed home to sit and hang out in my sickness.

Its not any fun being sick. I was cold and sweaty and my throat was on fire. The only good that came out of it was being able to write about 10 blogs to catch up from a few events. I love when the blog is in order and documented. There are still a few more to write, but at least I am out of February! Maybe each time I write a current blog I will write a catch up blog....yeah right. I am also happy to find that I have found a suitable replacement for Picnik. Picmonkey.com seems to be working well. I just have to learn it like I did for Picnik. I really do not like change.

I am feeling much better, but now my body is being crazy. Probably from the antibiotics. So ready to be done with them. I do not like being sick. It ruins my plans and time schedule....enough complaining for one post, eh?

Happy Father's Day!

We had a great Father's Day this year! John was off so he was able to spend his day with his family {including out of town family}. We started the morning with cooking a huge breakfast {Rebekah and I} and trying to wrangle 3 little ones all while letting the guys sleep in. Honestly, we all know that any sleep you get after 8AM is sleeping in, right? After breakfast we went to the beach, the Crab Shack for lunch, and then back home. Our family left so Heidi and I laid down for a nap. John got to spend the rest of his day watching the US Open - the only thing he wanted to do after 4PM. At some point he fell asleep because when I came out of the room from laying down with Heidi he was asleep so I took control of the TV.

We already gave John his Father's Day present a couple of weeks ago - a new golf club - because he was playing in a tournament the weekend of the 9th. When John was packing up for his trip he mentioned {as he has a few times before} that he needed a toiletry bag. For some reason when we ordered the bags for his groomsmen years ago we did not order one for him. SOOO....I got on Amazon and found an inexpensive one that would do the trick! It came in Monday night {yeah, at 9PM and the delivery guy knocked on the door causing Hunter to bark, Heidi to wake up, and me to wake up delirious}. I wanted to have it monogrammed, but John said, "Why would you do that?". So I assume that means no. Oh well. I hope he enjoys it!!

There's Nothing Terrible about 2!

Oh goodness - Heidi has turned 2! I cannot believe we have gone from finding out we were expecting, to our pregnancy issues, to FINALLY being born, her first birthday, and now she is two years old! This is crazy. It makes my heart so happy to think back on the past 2 years Heidi has been here and it brings such joy to continue to watch her grow and become her own little person. Heidi is so full of love and compassion for others. I am amazed at how much my little sponge has soaked in during the first 2 years of her life. Each day I shake my head in awe at the words and thoughts coming out of her mouth. SLOWLY Heidi is gaining her independence. I am such a believer in letting a child wean from breastfeeding on their own to help aide in letting children slowly find their independence. There are times, of course, that I would like for Heidi to have more independent play, but I am going to soak it all up now while I can because there is going to be a day {soon - I am sure} when Heidi will not want to cuddle in my arms, say, "mama hold you", sleep snuggled next to be in bed, give kisses, or want anything to do with mama in general. {lots of pictures below - but more writing as well!}

For two years I have been blessed to be the mama to the sweetest little girl in the world {yes, I see you rolling your eyes and thinking "whatever, -insert your child's name- is the sweetest ever"} and I have loved each and every minute of the time we have spent together. You are coming around more and more to daddy - as in you will play with daddy more when mama is around. Oh Heidi Jewell, I do not think you will ever know how much you are loved by your mama and daddy. You have brought so much joy, love, excitement, and fun into our house.

We gave you a little dollhouse for your birthday and you LOVE it! I love watching you play with all the rooms and moving the people all around the house. It warms my heart to watch you play.

Your birthday party was on Saturday the 16th {your actual birthday}and it was such a fun pool party! You and your friends had a great time {minus poor Eli being stung by a wasp}. The party was full of swimming, grilling and more swimming! Your Uncle Brad, Aunt Bekah, and cousins Gavin and Grace came to spend a couple of nights and y'all had such an amazing time! Saturday night {after the entire household took naps} we headed to Chedders for dinner. Sunday we all went to the beach and then the Crab Shack! Later we took naps and our guests left to go back to their home.

• You LOVE baby dolls and anything that has to do with them. You are so nurturing.
• You love your Bubba - Hunter. You give him kisses and hugs and love to be around him. You ask where he is all the time if he is not around.
• You love to cuddle and say "I love you mama" all the time - I hope you never stop!
• You love rough housing with daddy, even though sometimes it makes mama's heart stop
• You have quite the imagination! I love watching you play and how you place things and what you pretend things are around you.
• You "read" now constantly and love anything to do with learning.
• You and "who that is" when you want to know what the name of an item/thing.
• Summer/spring favorites include bubbles, sidewalk chalk, ice cream cones, and SWIMMING
• You are a little fish. I am amazed at your fearlessness in the water! You LOVE it!
• Your manners are wonderful - please, thank you, yes mam, no mam, etc. Of course we you have your moments, but for the most part you are very well mannered.

The other day, when daddy and I were picking out your birthday present we were talking about how our life is and all we have been through up until this point in our lives. We know that the way life is is the way it is supposed to be. It is sad not having your big brother here, but who knows how life would have been if he had been here. Would you be here? Would you be the way you are? So many unanswered questions. What we do know is that we could not imagine life without you. We really do not question the cards we were handed in life very often - we just accept it and run with it.

Hand-Me-Downs

We got our latest batch of hand-me-downs this week - yay! Heidi fell in love with this bathing suit that was definitely way too small for her. Half the time Heidi kept making it into a thong...I will spare you those pictures.

What Do You Do?

Today I received a message from an acquaintance from college who recently gave birth to twins. One of her babies died and the other is still in the NICU. I sent her a message shortly after it happened and today she asked me this:

Hey Kimberly. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It's been really difficult for me to talk about, but I wanted to ask you how you got through or are still getting through this. I have a strong faith in God and that has definitely helped me. I'm thinking about going to see a counselor my church recommended me to see. My other daughter is still in the NICU so I'm having a hard time dealing with that and grieving for her twin at the same time. Hope you are doing well.

As I sat to reply the return message started out small and then it grew into a long winded book. I thought it would be a good post for the blog since I have not posted anything with substance lately. So, sit back and enjoy my thoughts...

So good to hear from you, you are on my heart daily to pray for - I know the journey is so difficult. To be honest I am still getting through everything. It has been almost 3 and 1/2 years and I still cry about losing Hudson. I have always been a Christian, but after losing Hudson I dived further and developed an even stronger relationship with God. It was the only thing that could help me to make sense of the tragedy I was experiencing. To help aide my grief I had to use Hudson's memory for good. I had to give him a purpose even in death. So I have used my story to tell others that have gone through this same/similar experience in hopes that it will strengthen their faith or relationship with God. Grieving in the public eye is hard to do, but showing others your faith and strength is what helps other people to see what an amazing God we have and can sometimes lead others to change their lives, to not take their lives for granted, and to love God more.
I surrounded myself with a support of ladies that have been through similar events and it feels good to read their stories and see that what I am feeling is normal throughout my grief. Writing is my outlet so I blogged a ton (some not posted because they were mean) to get my feelings out. I also blogged my feelings and emotions in order to help other people that were going through the same thing.
So, I guess my best advice is to find your grieving outlet. You have to find a way that works for you. Whether its counseling (which is something everyone should do), writing, photography, some sort of project - anything. Not to hide or cover up your grief, but to have a way to honor your daughter's memory. I hate the cliche "everything happens for a reason", but so many people would say it because face it, what do you say to someone who has just had their entire world shattered? But, I took that phrase and ran with it - I let Hudson's "reason" for dying be a "reason" for others to perhaps learn about eternal life through Jesus. To be honest it is what has kept me so strong.
I know it is absolutely the hardest thing to have one child die and to be excited about another child being alive. I had so many mixed emotions when Heidi was born (17 months after Hudson died) and still sometimes I find myself sad at not having them both here together. The sadness will always be there, the unintentional stings from others words, the what ifs...sometimes they are so overwhelming. When things are overwhelming I pray, and then focus on what I do have - and the future God has promised me to one day be united with my son.
All of this has taken me years to learn and I am still learning. It will not happen over night. There will be a step forward and there will be 2 steps back. It is frustrating. There are days when I am so jealous at other people and their children. I have been so ready to be out of the "child-birth years" because with each new announcement brings out the green-eyed monster (especially with little boys). Then I pray. I pray for my friends and their families. I pray for myself and for God to take away the feelings I have - and this cycle is my life.
I have learned that even the closest people in my life will leave Hudson out of the count, but it is not meant out of malice. Its just not a part of their daily life. I don't take it personally anymore, nor do I correct them. I just go on living my life the best way I can.
I hope this answer helped :) I know I got a little long winded....I will find you a few links to posts of mine or a few others that have been in similar situations. Please know that I am here anytime you need to chat.
~Kimberly

Its Time!

Originally written: June 6, 2012

So, we have gone to both of my Dr's and now it is about time to start for baby #3. Crazy, huh? In a "perfect world" we would already have #3 and possibly be working on #4, but that's not how this world works - at least not in the Henninger household. I have been on the vitamins and medicine for a month and it is amazing how fast it has already worked in helping my cycle. Instead of 35-45 day cycle I am now at the "normal" range in 28 days. Now that I am at the normal range I think I am ready to start the crazy madness once again.

If all goes according to plan then we will find out around July 4th if we are going to be adding to our family. I am nervous, afraid, excited, impatient all in one. We'll have to hold in this exciting news for quite some time. It will be hard especially if we do find out at my calculated time because we are going to Las Vegas July 5-9 and Myrtle Beach July 9-13 with family. I know that I want to wait for a bit longer than I have with Hudson and Heidi because it was kind of nerve racking with everyone knowing. More so with Heidi, after what we had been through with Hudson and with the potential issue that we had while pregnant with Heidi.

I am praying for a low key, drama free pregnancy. I want to be able to just sit back and relax. No extra doctor visits - nothing.

Its going to happen at a crazy time because at the same time my sister and her family will be adopting a little boy from China. He is 2 (turned 2 on June 1st) and they should be going to pick him up the mid-end of July. I know I want to let this little boy have his moment without adding to the craziness of the family. I am all about letting people have their moments. I know all too well how having "your day" or "your event" being trumped by other people. At least with all the events going on with everyone else I will be able to slide by without anyone noticing until we're ready to announce we're expecting.

This is all hypothetical, of course :)

Our little Helper

We have been in the "I do it, I do it" stage the past few months. Heidi loves to help mama and daddy out in any way that she can. I am so happy we got her the little step stool thing to pull up to the counter for her to help out at meal times. When I start to cook Heidi runs to her step and says, "Heidi help mama!". It is so much fun having Heidi help! Of course it takes patience having a toddler help you in all aspects and it has caused us to run late on occassion, but it is such a joy to watch her feel included. I will never turn down a chance for Heidi to help. We give her little duties when we are doing things - putting shoes away, unloaded the dishwasher, passing out the napkins, etc. Last night she wanted to help me brush my hair :)