Happy Halloween!

Our first Halloween in our new house! I don't know who was more excited - me or the kids!! I took pictures of all the kids that came to our house. I will share just a few! The neighborhood we live in has a ton of kids and we were out of a HUGE bowl (plus) of candy by 8:30PM. I felt so bad having to turn off the lights! The funniest thing was overhearing a little girl trick-or-treating with her mom and when they were leaving one house she said, "Ok mom, can we go home now??"

I can't wait until my cousin blogs about my niece and cousin trick-or-treating. The way she described them as two little old ladies was hilarious!

Taking a Toll - 5 weeks

All the medicines, shots, and things I have to do are starting to take a toll on me - physically and emotionally. I want to say I am not complaining and that I am so happy to be having another baby. There is truth in that. I am ecstatic to be having baby #2 - I just miss baby #1. I miss Hudson. I still don't understand why me, the one who takes such wonderful care of herself, has to go through this ordeal. It really makes no sense at all. I watch pregnant women all over stuffing their faces with sweets and fast food while I feel guilty about eating a small french fry from McDonald's or a bite sized twix bar. I drink water like it is about to stop running and watch other preggos drink their diet cokes and gulp down sweet tea after sweet tea. I take care of myself and I am taking care of the baby inside of me - just like I took care of Hudson. So why was I dealt the cards full of injections and pills? The injections are also making me bloated - so you can imagine how it was hearing from my ballet instructor, "I know you have this little tummy, but just tuck in here". I'm 5 weeks and already appear to be showing. I don't think I could be, it's just gas and bloat.



Today was just an all-round bad day starting with construction workers nailing a fence at 6AM, followed by a train that lasted forever, followed by people blocking the gate I have to open at work, followed by me having contact with the general public. At this point I think I am having a girl - maybe even twin girls - due to all the mood swings. Then again it could be the anxiety and stress I am feeling. At this point I have no idea.



So, to end this post yes I am so excited about our baby and I cannot wait to me him or her!! It would be a lie to say that I am going to just sit back an enjoy this pregnancy. I am going to enjoy it, but please also realize all I can think about is the "what ifs" because I have had the "what ifs" happen to me. I have buried my child that I did not get to finish carrying, but that I carried for 30 weeks. I have been there and I really would like to get my happy ending this time. It may be easy for you to sit and say, just have faith and trust in God and all the other cliches people say. I do have faith, I do trust in God, and I pray to Him every night to take away these feelings and I pray that everything will be okay. Just remember this when you judge me for what I have written - I prayed every night while I was pregnant with Hudson too. My faith is that God has a reason for everything He does - it's not that He's going to let things happen the way I want them to end.

Wednesday's for Wyatt!

Help Danielle in the quest for acknowledging the birth of all children in Tennessee. Please read the story I copied from her blog below:

Here we go! Our second Wednesday for Wyatt! It’s quite simple to participate. All you have to do is copy and paste this post on your blog, and come back here to link up with MckLinky! Once you do that, your all set to win a great giveaway. Kristi, on of the dear women who follow my family's story has generously donated some handmade buckeye's jewelry. Thank you Kristi!
Over the last week we have gotten 123 new signatures! Over 100 of those we got last Wednesday alone. And we had 34 wonderful bloggers link up... I can't wait to see how much Wednesdays for Wyatt will grow this week!

For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...

Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.

On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.

Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.
Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!

This contest will be open today only. I will close MckLinky down sometime before midnight, so make sure you get linked up ASAP to make sure you are entered to win this giveaway! Thanks for helping everyone, and good luck.

Not Fair...

I have to leave this every morning to go to work....not fair!!

RHHS Alumni Golf Tournament

Today we had the first annual RHHS Alumni Golf Tournament! Erin came to stay with me this weekend - yay! Melissa also came to help out with the tournament. Our job was to sell string at hole #2. This is where you can purchase feet before you start and then after you hit you can move your ball that much closer. The rain held off for most of the tournament, but it did sprinkle a little at the end.

Wednesdays for Wyatt

Join in our fight for Wyatt!!

It’s official... Today is our very first post for Wednesdays for Wyatt! It’s quite simple to participate. All you have to do is copy and paste this post on your blog, and come go to Danielle's blog to link up with MckLinky! Once you do that, your all set to win this first ever Wednesday’s for Wyatt giveaway. Let make this a huge success, shall we?

Here is a brief story of what we are fighting for (copied from Danielle's blog):

"Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.
On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.
Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.
Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!
We are currently up to 1,253 signatures. Hurray! We’ve made it over my initial goal of 1,000 signatures, and now I’m dreaming big! You think you can help me get 5,000 signatures by Thanksgiving? I bet you could, and I hope this Wednesdays for Wyatt helps out tremendously. Post this to your blogs, facebook, myspace... wherever you can think of. I can’t wait to see how many more signatures we receive from this. I have a great feeling!
The contest will only be open today. You have until 11:59 pm to post this on your blog and come back here to link up with MckLinky in order to qualify for this Wednesdays for Wyatt giveaway. Good luck everybody and thanks for participating."

4 weeks!

Happy 4 weeks little one! Today I am still not feeling like a pregnant mommy. While pregnant with Hudson I had all the symptoms - exhaustion, felt a little nauseous....but not this time! Yesterday the doctor called and said my numbers (from the labs on Sunday) were great! Quant - 195, Est - increased 25%, and pro - 49. I never even thought about those numbers while pregnant before. There was not a a care in the world; I was just doing what was natural for a woman's body.




I am now taking all sorts of vitamins, medicine, and injections. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be giving myself shots. Not only do I do that, I do it twice a day. John only gives me a shot twice a week. Today I had to call the pharmacy (randomly located in Maine) about the amount that was charged on my debit card. Yesterday I was quoted $49.30 for the 4 hCG supplements and the needles/syringes. It was a huge shock to me when I saw my debit card was hit with a $182 charge. I called this morning and was told that the girl made a mistake and only quoted me for one. They apologized, but I really do not think that is enough - I feel that there should be some sort of compensation for a $130 misquote. Hopefully when they call me back (for the 2nd time) there will be something to help me feel better. I understand the medicine is expensive, but when you are told one price is going to be charged to your card and you are actually charged a different amount it is quite annoying.

How Sweet

John and Hunter enjoy their bonding time. I will probably be shot dead for posting this video, so if this is my last post - nice knowin' ya!!

First Visit

This morning was our first visit to see the doctor. Dr. Odom was pleasantly surprised and seemed very eager to get us started on a new "therapy" to aide in our pregnancy. John, Dr. Odom and I went over my numbers again as well as the different parts of my body we need to focus on during pregnancy.



1 - Ovarian dysfunction (in ovulating)

2 - Insulin resistance

3 - Preconception cardio

4 - MTHFR (one mutation in me and one in John)

5 - LP(a) (a form of cholesterol)



Most of what we need to focus on would be vascular - dealing with my blood vessels.



On Sunday I am to retake all of my blood work to make sure the my numbers are doubling or increasing the way they should be. Then on Monday I will have the results and we will decide then what medicines we will add. Saturday we picked up progesterone supplements which I will take for about 10 weeks. I am already taking Ultra-Cal Night (a vitamin), baby aspirin (blood flow), prenatal vitamins (the baby), and metformin (insulin resistance). On Monday we will add a prescription folic acid (due to the mutations) and we have three other medicines that we need to make a decision as to whether we will take them.



The first medicine is a hGC hormone injection which is to aid in the development in the uterus. The next is Plaquenil which is a drug used for malaria, lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis. This medicine would also be an injection and helps with the development of the placenta. The final medicine is



John and I know that our doctor would not suggest us taking these medicines if he didn't believe they were for a purpose. He has been using these same treatments in women for years. We know that Dr. Odom is a believer in God and prayer and we also know that he prays over all of his patients. It's nice to know our baby will be covered in so much prayer - actually right now people are just praying for us, not knowing that we are expecting since the post will be published after we tell everyone =)

Test & Baby #2

This morning I woke up and thought, hmm...yes, it's early, but maybe I'll take a pregnancy test just for giggles. I am only 11 DPO and it's only CD25, but I am impatient. At the time we haven't been trying with timing or anything - just letting things happen naturally. I took the test and then looked at it for a little thinking, hmm, there is a faint little line there, but maybe it's just my eyes. I got into the shower and sat in the tub like I normally do - letting the warm water fall onto me while I prayed. I prayed, "Lord, if I am pregnant, if it is my time please let me come home with a baby in my arms, please let me raise this child and keep this one". After showering I went back over to the test and saw it - the faint line was darker!! I immediately opened the door and yelled at John (I yelled because he was soundly asleep) and woke him up saying, "I think I'm pregnant, I don't know for sure, but I think we're having another baby!". He smiled and said, "really?" and then went back to sleep. Oh, I did turn on the light and make him look at the test as well.

First things first - I called Dr. Odom and let them know. Karen, the receptionist, asked me to come in for a blood test. I admitted I was very nervous because we were not supposed to start trying until next cycle. Karen said it was okay and Dr. Odom would be thrilled! I drove to the hospital to give blood for the test and then came back to work. In the afternoon the dr's office called and gave me the results of the blood pregnancy test. It's official! We are having another baby! My quantitative levels were at 64, estrogen was at 358 and prog was at 39. All levels were excellent and high for someone only at CD25.

As I sit and type this post (knowing I am not going to publish it until we are ready to start telling the news) I wonder how my anxiety is going to be. I am 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant - so only 36 weeks and 3 days to go! It is perfect timing - celebrating the life of Hudson just yesterday with the balloon release and now to find out we are being blessed with another little one. John and I had decided that we weren't going to try, we were just going to let things happen in God's timing. We know that this is what is supposed to happen and we can only pray.

9 Months

Nine months ago today we received the news that devastated our lives. Our little Hudson was no longer with us. Then came the decisions, the painful choices and events. Nine months. In nine months a life could have been created and born. In our nine months we have buried a child, lost a job, found a new job, welcomed many new babies into the world, watched our house being built from beginning to end, bought our house, moved in our house, you see where I am going, right? It seems like an eternity, but yet it's really not that long ago that I was still pregnant. On this nine month anniversary we celebrated Hudson's life. My family, friends, John, and I lifted our balloons and released them to the sky in memory and in honor of Hudson. Not just for Hudson, but for all of the babies out there who are in Heaven. Candles were lit at 7PM all OVER THE WORLD - as a wave of continuous burning light - in order for these precious children to be remembered. The symbolism is much greater than any one human being can imagine. It's not only to remember these children, but it is to honor those that have walked this cruel and grief filled walk. To let them know that you are there for them - with love, actions, words, thoughts, and most importantly prayers.

The afternoon came and I checked my social website where friends already began to post pictures of their balloons and candles lit. I cannot even describe the feeling. To know that so many took the time out of their busy days, to stand in the rain, and release a balloon for Hudson. I began weeping at I the pictures started being posted. Maybe some tears for Hudson, but more for happiness. Happiness that those around a recognizing the life of Hudson and remembering him and all of the other babies. Friends and family posted about the day on their statuses and others would comment about their children that are no longer with us, that they never knew of such a day. Knowing that more people are being educated about this day is such a great feeling. I wish that we did not have a day like this because it is full of sadness, but I am glad we do have one to remember these children.

Below are some pictures from the balloon release and candle lighting. To those friends and family - thank you so much for celebrating with us and for honoring John, Hudson, (Hunter), and I in this wonderful way. We are blessed beyond imagination. **NOTE** I still have more pictures to add, including my own!!**

My cousins Blaine & Aislin and niece Olivia

Woodstock, GA

My brother Tres, Tina, and Olivia

My sister Vicki, Hubert, Hugh and Emily

Savannah, GA

John's brother Brad, Rebekah, Gavin, & Grace

Newnan, GA

John's sister Rebecca & David

Charlotte, NC

Stockunas Family

Philly, PA

Katie & Matt

Gainesville, GA

Lance, Stacy, & Harper

Tallahassee, FL

Lance's dad & step-mom

Tallahassee, FL

Stacy's Parents and brother

Perry, GA

Amanda & Randy

Macon, GA

Dennis, Maggie, & Luke

Columbia, SC

Curtis, Kaley, Landon & Selah

Raleigh, NC

Kara, Colin, & Kristi

Loganville, GA

Sherry, Ted, and Charles

Loganville, GA

Freddie & Brian

Marrietta, GA

Heather & Darrin

Atlanta, GA

Rebecca & Cameron

Fredericksburg, VA

Chris, Kristina, Grace, and Jack

Dallas, GA

Erin & Mark

Atlanta, GA

Lindsey & Blake

Atlanta, GA

Glorimar

Valdosta, GA

Johanna, Jon, & Emily

Milwaukee, WI

Kristi & Joel

Valdosta, GA

See that building in the back? That's where John proposed to me!!

Christine, Toby, January Baby, & Bun in the Oven

Griffin, GA

Bonnie

Savannah, GA

Gina, Dan, and Hadley

Dawson, GA

Carson, Eric, & Aiden

NY, NY

Whitney & her mom

Atlanta, GA

Kayley, Kevin, & Lacey

Brunswick, GA