Stevie's Wedding

This weekend I went to Augusta with my parents for my cousin Stevie's wedding. It was just beautiful! There was still a bit of snow left on the ground in the shady spots. Mostly pictures here!

My Bucket List

There are so many things I want to do, learn and experience. Every time I see something really neat I say, "I want to do that!!" Usually its wacky and unrealistic, but who knows! It could happen. SO, I have made a list. I do not have a deadline, but I want to try and do as many things as I can on my list. Of course I can add to it as much as I would like and I will re-publish it when I add things or complete a task. Hopefully I will be able to take a picture of each thing I complete and write a little blog post about it! The list is in no particular order! I know there are some items I might not get to do, but I should at least make an effort, right? John, if you are reading this don't be the "DC" as I lovingly nicknamed you the other night :) Love you!

The List:
1. Run a 10k
2. Get 100 photographs printed (0/100)
3. Go to a shooting range.
4. Learn a new craft
5. Run a half marathon
6. Run a marathon
7. Take my mom on a trip
8. Do a Time Lapse Photography project
9. Watch the sun set & rise from the same spot in the same day.
10. Watch a meteor shower
11. Compete in a triathlon
12. Learn to surf
13. Learn conversational Spanish
14. Learn sign language
15. Learn to play the piano – again.
16. Learn some basic ballroom dancing – Salsa, Waltz, Cha-Cha…
17. Ride in a hot air balloon
18. Travel by train somewhere with someone - again
19. Go to a state I haven’t gone to yet
20. Go scuba diving
21. Take a canopy tour
22. Break a Guinness World Record
23. Visit all 50 states (18?/50) not just the airport!
24. Visit all 7 continents (2/7)
25. Solve the Rubik’s Cube
26. Make a list of 100 books to read and read them (0/100)
27. Go to graduate school
28. Be an extra in a film.
29. Own a beach or mountain house.
30. Mush a dog sled
31. Watch turtle hatch and run for the ocean
32. Volunteer (0/12)
33. Go on a picnic
34. Swim with the dolphins
35. Go whale-watching
36. Go on a safari
37. Ride a camel
38. See a play on Broadway
39. Attend an Olympic event
40. Attend the Kentucky Derby and wear a cute hat.
41. Become up to date with my scrapbooks
42. Document all things on the list by blog/photo/both.
43. Learn boxing
44. Travel across country
45. Take a basic self-defense class.
46. Do a polar bear swim
47. Ride a mechanical Bull
48. Ride an elephant
49. Eat a hot dog from an NYC street cart.
50. Be on the Amazing Race
51. Pick apples
52. Try a unicycle
53. Be a stay at home mom.

Sometimes I Just...

want to bang my head on the steering wheel. I hate to admit it and I really hate writing about it, but its one of those things that needs to be documented in my life. Three days a week I take Heidi to my mom's house while I am at work. When I pick Heidi up I never know what I am in store for on the trip home. A nice quiet ride while Heidi sleeps/plays or me riding in a trance. What is this trance you wonder? I have to put myself in one or else I might drive off a cliff. The times when Heidi is not sleeping or playing in her car seat she is screaming - worse than screaming. She is yelling, choking on her screams - it is a nightmare.



I am sure that I am totally offending people by writing that I want to drive myself off a cliff because of my child's screams. You have to realize that even though I still sometimes cannot get over the fact that I am so blessed to have Heidi and that I thought I would never have a living child, I still have some sanity that is tested. The past month, ever since we came home from Pittsburgh, has been so rough. John and I were used to Heidi going to bed at 7:30PM, sleeping through the night and waking up at 8AM without having to do anything to coax her to sleep. No rocking, no crying - nothing. Just feed her and put her to bed and she would go to sleep. Now it is a completely different story. Now we have to do anything we can to get her to sleep. And her new "sleep" is in a couple of 2-3 hour shifts at night. So - I am living on little sleep at the moment and also driving in a trance.



The only thing I continue to tell myself, and that I know for sure, is that this passes and everything is really okay. Heidi is here, she's healthy, and she is absolutely wonderful. I would not pass up these screams for anything. Would I enjoy sleeping a full 8 hours and a peaceful ride home? Yes, absolutely.



I would never want to offend anyone that reads this blog. I do however want to put this post out there - because moms need to know that everyone can experience moments when they want to drive off a cliff. Even when you have lost a child and are heartbroken it can happen. I truly believe you appreciate things more when you have lost it before. As much as I still stare at Heidi wondering if she is real and as much as I thank God that she is here and thank Him for blessing me I still am human. Does that make sense? I mean I know everyone says you can still love something and still get frustrated - for example a screaming child. I guess what I really mean is having a child did not come easy to us and even though I am more grateful for her than I feel any other person could feel grateful for a child I still experience moments like I have described above. So if you are in the "pregnancy didn't/hasn't come easy and I have experienced a loss" club its normal to feel this way...

Follow or not

Today I thought - "hmm..I need to write a blog post today - about something, anything". It seems as if whenever I have a chance to write I never have anything in my head, but when I have everything in my head I never have a chance to write! So I went onto the Blog Frog to see if there were any fun "blog hops" to link up to with great ideas on blog posts. Every single hop was about trying to get more followers. It kind of makes me wonder why people are always wanting more followers. Sure its pretty fun to see a group of people that read what you have to say, but if your blog was a truly interesting blog wouldn't that create a following for you in itself? I guess not and maybe that's why people post their blogs onto hops in order to have people visit over to their blogs. I'm sure its great to have such a large following out there, but really I think I would definitely fail miserably with feeling like I continually needed to write something or do something cool and creative to keep my audience happy. I like my little circle of readers and friends I have now :)

Its so crazy how many different, yet similar, blogs there are out there. It made me think about when I really became involved in blogging. For awhile I blogged and no one even knew I had one and then, after Hudson, is when I publicized my blog. It was so much easier to write how I was feeling rather than talk about it. Of course, like most personal/family blogs, mine has transformed back into what it originally started out as - a family journal and way for out of town family to see what we're up to. It always has been that, but I guess at some point it turned into something more and something with more substance.

Georgia's Birthday

Tonight we celebrated Heidi's cousin Georgia's birthday!

Swan Lake

I was able to see Swan Lake performed by the Russian Ballet! It was amazing! I adore ballet and everything about it. When I watch performances like this it makes me miss performing on that level so much. I know that I was such a good dancer - never on the level as the principle dancers, but I could have been a flower or swan or something :)

You must check out these videos. Both are my favorite parts of this ballet. The first is the Pas de Quatre (the four swans). SO much talent. Not only being able to dance, but dancing in sync while linking arms. The second is from part of the black swan dance. 32 Fouettes - that's all I have to say. I do believe that on this particular video she does about 27, but regardless...amazing. These videos are ones I found on youtube, not from the performance I attended.

Christmas Cards

I am looking for ideas. I LOVE Christmas time and all the Christmas cards - everyday we had at least one card in our mailbox. There is something so magical about Christmas time and the Christmas cards. Maybe its my love of snail mail. Each day I rush to the mailbox, something I have done just about my entire life. I usually am late getting my cards out. Sometimes I only send half out and then find the other half in a guest room about a month later...so if you didn't get a card from me (and there is a chance you could be getting one in a couple of days!) - well, I sent it mentally. I promise to be on top of it next year and mail them out Dec. 1st!!

Anyways - my only issue is what to do with the cards after the season? I could not dare throw them away! So, what do I do? What do you do?