Project 365 - Day 168

1st Time Swimming

Heidi went swimming! I do not want to take her out during the day because of the sun so we have not been swimming yet, but today we were able to go! Heidi's little swimsuit was a gift from one of my sweet sorority sisters, Whitney. It was almost 7PM and the pool was like bath water. Heidi loves taking baths so it was perfect for her! I think she almost fell asleep! Hunter joined in the fun as well, of course. He loves to swim, he really does. As for me I love to swim, but I this is my first time in the pool since May and yes I am aware that I am ghostly pale. Seriously, I have never been this pale before in my life. I really need to work on getting some color to my skin before my high school reunion in a couple of weeks. I was that girl that lived in a tanning bed and on the beach or pool back then.

Project 365 - Day 167

Do you hear what I hear?

Project 365 - Day 166

Emma came to visit!

Project 365 - Day 165

Today I went over to my grandmother's house to help clean in order to prepare it for the market. Its still such a strange feeling walking down to her house from my parents. A trip that was taken so often and apparently often taken for granted. I grew up with my grandmother only about 100 steps away. So many others have to travel long distances to visit their grandparents, but not me. It was odd to be in her house going through all of her belongings (which, by the way, has made me completely want to purge all of my "junk") and seeing all of her personal items. Grandmother had so much stuff and I never even knew it. Drawers were crammed full of clothes I had never even seen her wear.

My sister was mainly going through everything - I helped a little, but kept walking back and forth to my parent's house to feed Heidi. During one of Heidi's feedings she threw up all over me. Of course it was the one time I did not have extra clothes with me. I had to rummage through my mom's clothes to find something - anything to wear. After my wardrobe change I had a little fun adding accessories to my outfit a grandmothers....photos taken by Vicki.

Project 365 - Day 164

Bath time!!

Project 365 - Day 163

Georgia has a new accessory...

Project 365 - Day 162

Stroble's Wedding

Saturday we headed to Valdosta for Heidi's 2nd wedding. This time John was able to go with us! The three of us made the trek and stayed with our friends Lexi and Doug. Before leaving we dropped off Hunter at my parent's house to stay for the night. Poor Hunter was so excited to be going on a trip and so sad when his "trip" got cut short. Heidi was so good the whole way! We only had to stop once to feed her - very impressive. Our first stop was to Doug and Lexi's house and then we got ready to go to the wedding.

John, Heidi, and I went up top to sit in the balcony of the church so that way if Heidi became restless, needed food, or anything else we could tend to her without disturbing anyone else or the ceremony. Only once did Heidi wake up so I quickly took her out of the car seat and she only got out one little cry before soothed.

The ceremony was beautiful - more so than most. There are some other details as to why the vows meant so much more when Jonathan and Jenni repeated them. Its not my story to tell. Maybe the Strobles will start a blog and then you can read their story :) There were so many special meanings to all of even the smallest details of their wedding and Jenni made sure to put everything in the program - it was precious! The wedding party was large, which was to be expected from too fabulous people, but of course I am a fan of large wedding parties myself! After the wedding we saw so many of our old college friends - sometimes I think I live for these events so that we can all get together. I really miss those days. Days without major responsibility. Sometimes I wish time could go back; for just one night. Then again I have come so far from who I was back then and I don't know if I would want to take a step back. Sometimes I close my eyes and pick a moment and wish with all my might to go back in time, but then I think about all the people I might not get a chance to "re-meet" or not having Heidi, and not experiencing Hudson.

Back to the wedding. The reception was great and Heidi, being 2 weeks older than the last wedding, did not have to eat as much so I felt like I was able to socialize much more. Of course John would not let his daughter go and was showing her off like the proud daddy he is. I think more girls came up to talk to him while he was carrying a baby than I can remember. I kind of thought that I wouldn't have women hitting on my husband with a baby in his arms - haha! just kidding...they were all just ooing and ahing over Heidi :) The most special moment of the night was during the father-daughter dance. The MC announced at some point during the song for all dads to join with their daughters out on the dance floor. I heard it but did not think anything of it. Then a guy comes up to John and tells him he should go out there and it would be such a great photo op. I immediately said YES you should! Surprisingly, VERY surprisingly John went out there! I was so proud of him and it melted my heart! All of the girls on the side instantly went "aww" and flashes were going wild as the youngest little girl danced her first father-daughter dance. I tear up just thinking about it!

Something that makes me feel super special is meeting people who read my blog. Its still so strange than others like to read what is going on in my crazy head or like to keep up with the mundane events of my life. I really love to meet new people and its so cool that the conversation starts about my blog. The picture below is a new friend I met at the wedding. This is Keri and she was one of Jenni's bridesmaids. Keri introduced herself to me while we were at the guest book table. So, if I don't know you and you are a reader and we happen to be at the same place don't be shy! I would love to meet you!

Sunday we headed home and enjoyed BBQ chicken on the grill with my parents to celebrate my mom and John's birthdays and all of our anniversaries. I think the whole weekend over-stimulated Heidi, but she slept good later on!

Project 365 - Day 161

Project 365 - Day 160

Until Recently

...I had a hard time buying baby/kid items for myself or others.

...I had a hard time going into Babies-R-Us.

...I had a hard time asking about other pregnancies.

...I had a hard time asking about other's children that were born after Hudson.

Heidi is here and I do have to say that it makes Hudson not being here not sting as much. I still miss him terribly and just the same as before, but I guess part of the grieve added in grieving Hudson was the fact of having children being a difficult process. I felt as if I were grieving that I would never have children. I no longer have to think about not having living children because Heidi has filled that void. Sometimes it scares me to look at her when she's sleeping so soundly because she looks like Hudson did when I held him last - so still. I constantly check to make sure she's breathing, something every new parent does. John tells me I need to chill out :)

On a side note - Heidi is growing faster than I imagined. Today we went to her 1 month (even though she is 5 weeks) appointment and she weighed in at 10lbs 14ozs - practically 11lbs.!! Heidi has also grown to almost 22" in height. Everything at her appointment went just great!

**Photo by Patti Todd Photography**

Project 365 - Day 159

3 Years and Counting

Happy Anniversary to John and me! Looking back on the past three years is incredible. John and I have been through more than what most couples experience in a lifetime. Many ups, downs, straight paths and bumps in the road. During the past 3 years we have both lost jobs, we have had 2 beautiful children, we have buried our son, we have fallen in love with our daughter, and we have become closer than ever. Even though we have been through so much heartache it has truly made us so much stronger not only as individuals, but as a couple. From our experiences we are able to turn away from the arguments knowing that life is too precious and valuable to argue. By no means do we have a perfect marriage - we have arguments (and we are both so stubborn!), but I would have to say we have a great team marriage.

If you would have asked us almost 9 years ago (when we first started dating) if we would be where we are now we definitely would both agree no. When we first started dating neither of us wanted anything serious...see where that got us? Not wanting anything serious led us to finding our "til death do us part" and the person we would spend the rest of our life with. Thank you VSU, the greek system, and Kappa Sigma parties - ha!

**photo by Jennifer Spence Photography**

Boob Job

I never wanted one - ever. I never really even cared what was on my chest between dancing and running they would have gotten in my way. After college I gain about 10 lbs and "filled out" a little to a full B. The end of my pregnancy with Hudson I was a D and then after I lost the weight I was a C - almost back to a B. NOW while breastfeeding I am a DD. I was running in the parking lot the other day (from the car back into the hotel) and OMG. It hurt soooo bad. Ironically I had decided (prior to running for all of 1.5 seconds) that the following week I would start back running - since I was not allowed while pregnant. Yeah, not so much going to start back now.

Hunter, Heidi, and I have started walking again though! I have 16 more pounds to go to be at pre-pregnancy weight. My 10-year high school reunion is in a month and it would be nice to have at least 8-10 more pounds gone by then. I guess we shall see what happens!!

Project 365 - Day 158

Trying to backup all of my MANY pictures :)

Project 365 - Day 157

What I drink 50 gallons a day of...

Project 365 - Day 156

My mom made this cat and kittens - years before I was born. I saw it randomly while nursing Heidi at my parent's house. For some reason I thought you could stick the kittens inside of the cat and "birth" them, but no you cannot. You can however let them "nurse" with the velcro attached to each animal...

Church

Today was our first Sunday back to church since Heidi was born. For months I went to church praying and praying over Heidi while carrying her. I did not know if she would be making it out of my womb alive or if she would have something wrong with her - or if everything would turn out fine. Songs would play and my eyes would burn with tears and I would try my best to hold them back. It was my obsession to pray about Heidi. I would beg, plead, and beg some more to God for her to be just perfect and alive. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep thinking about it or sob in the shower as I prayed for Heidi and her well-being. I would eventually forget to pray for other things going on in my life, forgiveness of sins, other people, or giving thanks for what God had given me. Not all the time, but some of the time, these would not make it to the prayer list.

Now with Heidi here I can sometimes find myself slipping into obsession with her. I get lost in amazement of her being here. God has given me the most precious gift I could ever want or imagine. I give thanks to Him everyday for her. I find myself slipping in my Bible reading and studies because I want to constantly be with Heidi. It kind of scares me that now that I "have what I want" (with Heidi here) that she could become my "idol" or "god" - by me putting her above my relationship with God.

I think I came to this conclusion today while in church. Brian Jobe was speaking and I kept turning to look at Heidi and I constantly kept losing focus in the lesson. When the final song played the words completely spoke to me - I can't remember the song right now, but it was one with giving God all your focus and attention and thanking Him for everything. Basically that "I'm alive" because of Him. Then I started to think about Heidi - and all that I posted above. With all that God has given me and all my answered prayers He definitely deserves more attention then I have been giving Him lately - and more focus as well. I need to make sure Heidi does not become more of an idol and put above God in my life. Its hard for anyone to do that; to finally get something they have wanted so badly and not let that thing become the center of their existence. So my new goal is to make sure I am giving God more of my time while still enjoying all of Heidi's sweetness.

Project 365 - Day 155

Who needs furniture? No one can roll off a floor :)

Project 365 - Day 154

Heidi - 1 Month

Heidi - today you are 1 month old! Can you believe it? I know I certainly can't! You are already becoming such a big girl so fast. Currently you are still wearing Newborn/0-3 month clothes and you are about to grow out of your newborn size diapers, well, actually you have grown out of them. You're growing in size faster than I thought possible. It probably has a lot to do with you wanting to nurse so much. You have such a passion for eating already :) I really think its one of your most favorite things to do.

You are staying awake more often and I get to enjoy looking at those beautiful blue (for now) eyes. We have such fun hanging out at home! I am not looking forward to going to back work because I want to spend every second with you. Maybe your Uncle Hubert will let me bring you to work on the days when daddy cannot watch you. Your grandma will be watching you if not - and you will love spending time with her. I will be very jealous :( Secretly I hope you will still not take a bottle when the time comes so that I will have a really good excuse as to why you need to come to work with me.

You are still sleeping in the room with mom and dad, but we are working on getting you set up to go in your crib. I have been trying to finish setting up your nursery with the final finishing touches. You have had so many visitors already this month - and we tried to get pictures of all of them holding you. Many have complimented on how you are such a good baby; and you are! Of course you still have your moments when you cry, but we have learned (or we think we have!) your signals to know what you want. You really are a great traveler, but you do not like being confined to your car seat all day. You make all kinds of noises - and we have animal nicknames for all of them. You usually make little puppy dog sounds, sometimes when you are screaming you sound like a duck (we could sell the noise to the duck hunter call things), or a cat having its tail run over. While you eat you love to rub your feet all on my arm. After you have eaten you pull your arms up by your ears and stretch out your back with an arch of content. When sleeping you like for your feet to be on me and sometimes you like to make sure you are facing me.

You have already had so many firsts this month!

Your first car ride 6/18/10

Your first Father's day - 6/20/10

Your first 4th of July!

First time at a sit down restaurant - Tubby's on Riverstreet

First mommy/daughter shopping trip!

First celebration of daddy's birthday!

First time in a hotel!

First wedding

You also had your first - bath, lunch with the girls, photo session, and going to Grandma/Pop-Pop's house in Savannah.