Thursday, July 22, 2010

Until Recently

...I had a hard time buying baby/kid items for myself or others.

...I had a hard time going into Babies-R-Us.

...I had a hard time asking about other pregnancies.

...I had a hard time asking about other's children that were born after Hudson.

Heidi is here and I do have to say that it makes Hudson not being here not sting as much. I still miss him terribly and just the same as before, but I guess part of the grieve added in grieving Hudson was the fact of having children being a difficult process. I felt as if I were grieving that I would never have children. I no longer have to think about not having living children because Heidi has filled that void. Sometimes it scares me to look at her when she's sleeping so soundly because she looks like Hudson did when I held him last - so still. I constantly check to make sure she's breathing, something every new parent does. John tells me I need to chill out :)

On a side note - Heidi is growing faster than I imagined. Today we went to her 1 month (even though she is 5 weeks) appointment and she weighed in at 10lbs 14ozs - practically 11lbs.!! Heidi has also grown to almost 22" in height. Everything at her appointment went just great!


Holly - Mama Torrico said...

I felt the same way after I lost Collin. I once even cried when a friend brought her newborn to a restaurant we were dinig at with a group of friends.

Collin, my newest addition, eases my heartbreak a little more. He makes me see happiness in little lives again rather than that small twinge of jealousy or sadness.

Holly said...

Love the photo!!! I def think that having Kyndra around makes (for me at least) Carleigh's death not hurt as much b/c I can love on her. I'm sure Lainey will help me even more.

Cecilia said...

I can relate to that and I think it's something that's hard to explain to others.

The picture of the two of you is absolutely precious!

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