Callus

I have no idea if I am using the proper spelling of callus - in reference to calling someone callus, that is. I know that a callus is the hardened or thickened skin that forms. In the old days those were known to be on my feet from so many hours of dancing. It must have been pretty bad at one point because every time I would go to have my shins wrapped while running track the guy would scrape off my calluses..hmm...

Anyways, so, I've had plenty of calluses in my life, but never has this been a word used to describe me. Me of all people - I guess when life kicks you in the butt (or you at least feel that way) you tend to be a little hard in certain subjects. I do not look at it as me being "hard", but merely "real" that things happen. I am sure you are on the tips of your seat wondering how a sweet little person, that tries her hardest not to offend anyone, could ever be called this word. Get ready for story time!

Yesterday a woman, let's call her Juanita, drops off something to me at my place of work. It was a pair of sunglasses to give to another person, we'll call her Ethel. Juanita tells me to give the sunglasses to Ethel and states she is in a lot of pain and headed to the doctor. Maybe an hour passes and I receive a phone call from Juanita asking if Ethel had picked up her sunglasses...

Juanita: "Has Ethel been there yet?"

Me: "No."

Juanita: "Well, DO NOT let her get those sunglasses...I just got back to the doctor and he told me I have scalpel herpes and it is very contagious and pregnant women should not be anywhere near me."

Me: "Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that, I will certainly let her know."

Juanita: "Please, make sure she does not touch those sunglasses. I cannot remember if I had them on my head, I might have, but do not let her touch them."

Me: "I will make sure and not let her touch them"

**then I am to listen more and more and more about how not to let Ethel touch the sunglasses**

Juanita: "I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if something happened to her baby"

Me: "You shouldn't feel guilty for the rest of your life, things happen - even when there isn't a reason."

Juanita: silence...then continues on about Ethel not touching the glasses.

So this morning I get a call from Ethel telling me how Juanita called her (to tell her not to touch the sunglasses) and then proceeded to let her know "that girl" (referring to me) was callus about the subject. Of course Ethel defended me and explained the situation and Juanita was apologetic after she found out my deep dark secret.

It is so frustrating, but at the same point I don't care that I am insensitive towards the subject. I feel that it is ok for me to be "hard" if you will because it happened to me. Maybe I am bitter because this woman clearly forgot who I was, even though she has known me for years, or maybe it was because she was in contact with me and didn't seem to care that I might become infected with her scalpel herpes. Needless to say I picked up the glasses with a paper (double) towel and put them in a plastic bag - I was not about to touch them.

Moved in!

Finally - we have moved into our house! After days of delays and irritation we are finally homeowners and living in our very own house. I cannot tell you how irate I was during the week of closing. John and I were set to close 3PM on Wednesday, September 16th - our 8 year dating anniversary. Well, 2:17PM that day we get a call stating that closing is pushed back. Of course we were a little upset - we have been waiting for this day since we signed our construction contract back in May. So you can imagine how angry I was on Thursday morning when John calls to tell me the bank needs our August bank statements. WHAT?!?!? Closing was supposed to be the day before and they are just now asking for this stuff? I called our realtor asking what was going on, he called the lender, then the lender called me and explained what was going on. I let him know that I was more than upset. There were some other factors in this whole event and I will post my letter to this bank after I take my time to compose it. None of the factors in the delays were our fault at all. Friday we had to rush to the attorneys office so that I could obtain power of attorney to sign the closing papers on Monday since John would be leaving for Kansas City for a week. Luckily the builder let us move in on Friday - lucky for the lender too because I would have made them move my stuff into our house....so, as of Monday, September 21st we are officially home owners! I have been told that I need to post pictures - so here is a sneak peek of the kitchen and backyard for now =)

Tennessee Residents

If you live in Tennesse please read and sign this petition. My "blog friend" Danielle is petitioning for the state of Tennesse to recognize the birth of her son Wyatt.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/recognize-life-in-tennessee

Our new Niece!

On Monday, September 7, 2009 Grace Kathleen Henninger was born! This weekend I flew up to Atlanta on Saturday morning to see our new niece and family. John drove up on Sunday afternoon (he had a business meeting Monday and Tuesday) and then he dropped me off at the airport to catch a flight home.

Karen's Baby Shower

This fine labor day weekend we celebrated Karen's baby shower. She is around 23 weeks - due the end of December! You may remember Karen from previous blogs, but to refresh your memory, Karen is one of my very best friends - someone I have known since the age of about 4. Karen and Clay will be having a little girl and are thinking about naming her Cassiday. It is still hard to be at events like this because in theory I should be there holding a 5 and 1/2 month old and saying things like, "Hudson loves that toy" or "product" - but in reality I'm not because he's not here physically.

At the end of a shower I had to listen to one mother make comments like, "well I guess he doesn't have kids so it's not as hard" basically we were talking about another friend's brother being deployed and with it being around Christmas time how it wouldn't be as hard because he did not have his own wife and kids. I guess I never knew that it was only hard to leave a family when you have kids. Must be my ignorance. I told her that you don't have to have kids for it to be hard. If anything it makes it harder on his family (i.e. his MOTHER) that her little boy is going off to war.

Baby Steps

This past weekend I went to visit some friends that just had their little boy Harper. My mom traveled with me and was able to visit my great-aunts that live in the same area. I had a wonderful time visiting with family and an amazing time hanging out with some amazing people that are in my and John's life. We were there with Christine and the new parents Lance and Stacy - and baby Harper. I will write more about everything that was going on in my head that day and things thoughts are still swimming...

Lance, Stacy, and Harper

Christine, Stacy, Harper, and me

..because they would have been the best of friends...

I still look awkward holding babies...

A break...

So some of you readers have probably noticed I have taken a break from my daily blog posting. There is a reason for that and I am still trying to put my finger on what is going on in my life. John and I are still going to the fertility doctor to get me "fixed" and I think it's beginning to take a toll on me. I am assuming that I am getting impatient, not because I am ready to have more children, but more so because I still do not have my answers to what is happening with my body. Last week I had a biopsy of my endometrian and tomorrow John and I go back to go over results of the tests we have taken the past month. I believe there will be 2 different appointments because there are so many tests that were taken.

I have started venturing to blogs that are more on my path - ones that are composed by women that still do not have any children with them. I do read the blogs that I am already following because I like keeping up with those amazing women. I want to see that there is hope for me in these other women that are still having a hard time with having a living breathing healthy child - some of them just had their babies after facing so many tough years with loss. I know that hope is not lost on me, but I am just ready to find out what my options are and why my body is broken. I still to this day do not understand why my body didn't cooperate. I live such a healthy lifestyle - and still I see women doing the "wrong" things while pregnant and they have happy results. It's is so utterly frustrating.

So I am stuck in this rut - not knowing what I am doing and just falling through the motions of what we call life. Everyday I feel I am searching for myself and who I am supposed to be as I face new challenges. I am putting forth effort in all that I do - trying to occupy my time with something other than wallowing in my own self pity. Building a house, soon moving into a house, class reunion planning, teaching dance, taking dance lessons....nothing is satisfying. Who knows where this blog may end up going - so for those of you that read just bear with me on my "blog for the weary and tired".