Friday, March 4, 2011


Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
~Winston Churchill
Have you ever thought about the thoughts that run through your mind each day? I did this week and it put me in such a horrible mood. There are some things in life that I am really having a hard time dealing with. One major problem is ending sentences with prepositions, but not one that I am going to try and fix right at the moment. I feel like I am letting my thoughts/opinions about others and their actions take control over my attitude. Does that make sense? I become angry for no reason. The anger is in my head only - never at a person. For instance, people constantly complaining about not having money and then they are talking about vacations they are going on or things they got for Christmas. Another is people "listening" to you and then going on to compare their life with yours when it is really like comparing apples to oranges. Other times its when people offer to do something for you and its only on their time and not when you are ready. Its hard to explain without telling full stories. Regardless I have been letting the attitudes of others and how they handle things influence my attitude. The past few days I have been going about my own business and I have stopped worrying about how others are living their lives and my annoyances with them. I have found myself to be a much happier person in doing this.
Another thing I really have a hard time with (and sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings - please do not take it personally) is children that were born after Hudson and before Heidi. I sometimes feel so jealous because I was there first, but yet I am last. Hudson would have been born first and I would be the one to know what to do first and I would not have to ask things to them. They would have been asking me. It really shouldn't matter, but it does. It doesn't make me not like the children, it just makes me sad and I don't like being sad. I should have a two year old, but I don't and that is still such a harsh reality that I don't think people understand.


Sarah said...

Thanks for your honest posts. I stumbled upon your blog after we lost our son 20 months ago, and I so appreciate your honesty. I can totally understand what you are saying, especially regarding your comment about children born after Hudson and before Heidi. I know that scripture tells us to take captive of thoughts that are not from Him, but I still appreciate you being honest about how difficult that can be. It's the reality that we as babylost mommies face every day, and sometimes I just wish people would acknowledge how hard it is or at least try and put themselved in our shoes for just a moment. I'm rambling now, but just wanted you to know I have appreciated your blog. Lots of love, Sarah :-)

Paige said...

thanks for such an honest post. it was so easy to get angry especially when people were complaining about not sleeping, their kids...and even now how "hard" it is to have 2. what we wouldn't give! easier said then done, but try and not let it get the best of you. anger robs you of the JOY God has planned:)

Holly said...

If I would sit and think about the stuff that people do that drives me crazy I think I would be an angry person! But I'm like you and I have learned to stop worrying about other people b/c you can't change how they are gonna be.

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