Trip

In a short while John and I will be taking a trip. A fantastic, all expenses paid, tropical island getaway. Maybe you will remember (probably not) our trip to Anaheim after John's work won a contest. Well, the hard work paid off once again and now we are going to Puerto Rico! Yay! I should be totally happy and ecstatic for this trip right? Well, I think I am going to die on it. I really do not like to fly - I will do it, but my whole body is hollow the until the plane is about to land. Flying is not the part that makes me feel like I am going to die. Its a mixture of things. We all know I have extremely bad anxiety, right? If you do not know that by now take a little trip in my past posts.

John and I are leaving Heidi with my parents while we go on our trip. I was kind of "iffy" about what to do and John was against Heidi going so that we could have a relaxing time. There are also a few excursions that we would not be able to take part in if Heidi were with us. Anyways this is the deal. Because we are leaving Heidi alone I have this awful, pit in my stomach, feeling we are going to die. If I think about Heidi going with us those feelings go away and I know we will be safe. In preparation of my death (I know - this post is completely morbid) I have been writing letters to Heidi. I have letters for her special events in life and just random letters. I want her to know how much she means to me and how much I love her. I do not think anyone could be a better mother to her than I am. It makes me uncontrollably sad to think about not being here for her. I am going to stop this post now, and maybe continue later because its making me cry.

One good thing that can come out of all this - at least all of my scrapbooks and things will be up to date before I leave :)

Heidi - 10 Months

Heidi - today you are 10 months old!

What have you been up to?

• 
  
  You weigh about 22 lbs and are probably an inch or so taller than last month. It seems as if each time I look at you while you are sleeping you look longer.


• 
  
  You love to wave "hi" and "bye" to everyone and everything. When we were taking your 10 month pictures and I place your teddy bear beside you, you waved to him!


• 
  
  Food is a favorite :) You love to snack on goldfish and cheerios. I do not think we have found anything you do not like. You watch very closely as dinner is being prepared and make sure you receive your fair portion.
  


• 
  
  When we put you down you place your hands into ours and walk around. You will pitch a fit if we let go of your hands. You hate to just sit or to walk around while holding on to other things. The other day you were pushing a kitchen chair around the house :)
  

• 
  
  Peek-A-Boo is a favorite game and you have so much fun playing it! Especially in the mornings when you are being shy with daddy.


• 
  
  Clothes range from 6-12 months.


• 
  
  You love for us to mimic you sticking your tongue out.

• 
  
  You are still breastfeeding and are showing no signs of weening anytime soon. I am nervous about how you are going to handle solely bottle feeding when we go to Puerto Rico for 5 days. At least I have been able to pump for you to still have breast milk while we are away.


• 
  
  You stand by yourself, but only for a few seconds - and then you realize what you are doing so you plop down.


• 
  
  Right now we are co-sleeping. It really makes bedtime so much easier. Eventually you will be in your own bed, but for now daddy and I are going to enjoy as many snuggle-cuddle moments we can. You really love to snuggle :)


• 
  
  You love to drink water! I am so thankful you will drink water alone. You love cups, glasses, and anything that water will come in.


• 
  
  You love to dance - you will rock back and forth and smile/laugh when you hear a fun beat or when the theme song to your morning cartoons come on.
  


• 
  
  You are such a faster learner and you know what "no mam" means when we have to tell you no. I like to add the mam to the no in hopes that at least when you start telling me "no" you will say mam - and that you will be accustomed to saying "mam" and sir".
  


• 
  
  You LOVE camera :) A lot of my pictures are of you trying to come after my camera!
  

Test

Bullying

Today I found out some sad news. A young girl in my hometown took her life yesterday. She was a beautiful freshman in high school who was also an excellent softball player. I never met her, but I know of her family and have many mutual friends with her family. Please say a prayer for her family and friends as they move along in the grief process. I am not sure the reasoning behind why she decided she could no longer stay on this earth, but according to a "In memory" page on facebook it might have to do with bullying. I am not sure. Maybe I am assuming. Lets just say my assumption is correct. I don't get it. I really don't understand why kids are so mean these days. Kids were mean when I was in middle/high school, but I don't think its anything like it is now. I remember a group of guys in school that constantly made fun of others in school - and for what? Because the others were smart? looked different? maybe a little socially awkward? Probably no reason at all besides trying to make themselves seem cool or make themselves feel better or more powerful. I know that a few times I was the brunt of the bullying jokes, but not to the extent of most people. I had crooked teeth, frizzy hair (I still have the frizz), acne (that I thought was horrible), a little socially awkward because of low self confidence and being shy. Looking at my life back then I can break it into 3 groups of friends - those I still keep in regular contact with today, those that I will speak to if I run into them, and those that were never really my friends. The last category would be the people you were "friends" with because you didn't want to be in the "outsiders" group or made fun of because you were a little different. I always made sure to be nice to everyone because I never knew what someone's situation was outside of school or inside of their heart - their struggles. I think it also had to do with my obsession with being likable. Regardless of back then, it is the now that worries me. Day to day living seems to be getting harder and harder. Eight year olds are threatening to kill their teachers, sex in elementary schools, girl fights, so much...its scary. It makes one think about bringing a new life into this world. Something so innocent, pure, and sweet - only to be tainted by sin. I have thought time and time about where I will be sending Heidi to school. At one point I thought that if we needed to send her to a public school I would have to move back to my hometown, but not anymore. I know of only one private school I really will consider sending her to, which is a wonderful Catholic school and then for high school she would attend an all-girl Catholic school. Tonight I have even considered home schooling - which I have never thought I would attempt. It all freaks me out - that somewhere there is a child growing up that might bully my sweet little Heidi. Just a few rambling thoughts for the night...

DWTS

I guess this post should really called be DWD - Dancing with Derek from DWTS, but oh well! Maybe I should start from the beginning. I never win anything - never ever. The Tanger outlet in Hilton Head planned a re-Grand Opening and had a contest in which you submitted an application to win a dance with Derek Hough from DWTS. Everyday I would hear the radio advertisement and so finally I thought - what the heck. I submitted an application the night before we left for Atlanta and forgot all about it. I didn't even tell anyone I sent the application. Tuesday an e-mail pops into my inbox congratulating me for being one of 22 total winners. WHAT? I instantly became a little embarrassed. I called John and told him and he laughed. I decided to go ahead and do it; if anything it would be a photo-op and a blog topic, right?

Thursday morning came and my parents came with me to watch Heidi at the event. We did a little shopping and then it was my dancing debut :) There were 15 of us ladies ranging from 18-60 that were to dance. We were put into groups of 3 and he taught each of us a little salsa or cha-cha. My group was a salsa. It was fun and not embarrassing at all! Now all I need to do is become famous and get on DWTS for real...send this blog to everyone you know and I can become "Kimberly the blogging celebrity" HA!

By the way - the can go on my Bucket List post as learning a basic technique in ballroom dancing, right??

While I get ready..

...this is what they do...

Buffalo's Wedding

This weekend (well, actually we left early Saturday morning and came home Sunday afternoon) we headed to Atlanta for Josh and Courtney's wedding! Josh was John's "little brother" in their college fraternity. It was such a pretty wedding! I had no idea it was going to be so cold so right before the wedding we had to make a little trip to Old Navy to purchase a jacket for Miss Heidi, but she did not seem to mind. Heidi was such a good little traveler the entire time!

Josh & Courtney

The Buffalo shaped cookies - Heidi was so proud/excited to be holding this cookie. This is the closest she will get to sugar before her 1st birthday!

Casey & Kara

Josh & Alex

The beautiful bride!

Kappa Sig boys :)

Kappa Sig Wives Club!

After the wedding we went to stay the night at John's brother's house where we were able to visit with Heidi's Uncle, Aunt, cousins, and Grandparents. Heidi had such a fun time playing with her cousins - they were so sweet together! On the way home Heidi slept over half the trip - it was amazing!