Here and There

I think I have updated my blog on the past few months with what events have taken place, but I have not been able to write a "heart to heart" blog in awhile. I do not know how this crazy life began to get even crazier. I know at some point I used to have everything all set in its place and all things were in perfect order. Now I cannot leave the house without forgetting something. Somedays its my lunch, my phone, Heidi's milk - something. Slowly I think I am beginning to get it all back together. The past few nights have been better and John and I have been able to have some down time. Heidi has had the most difficult time getting to sleep and staying asleep ever since we went to Pittsburgh. Maybe its the season of sugar! I am once again taking the processed sugars out of my diet. I am never going to lose the baby weight if I don't. Only a couple of months left of my 9 months on/9 months off schedule. That's how it was with Hudson. I am not one of the lucky ones who has the fat sucked off of them while breast feeding! Unfortunately I have to add a lot of extra snacks - sometimes I feel like I eat more now than I did while I was pregnant! I can, however, make sure I am eating the right foods and take out the sweets in my diet.
This season of Christmas was so different from last year. I remember feeling completely and utterly depressed about not having Hudson and about the possibility of something being wrong with Heidi. There were some moments this year where I could feel myself slipping into the same pool of sadness, but there does not seem to be too much "down" time in my life where I can dwell on the sad thoughts. I guess that can be good and bad. There are new levels to where I experience the grief of Hudson not being here. I was talking to someone and they were commenting on how cute their two kids were when she caught then sitting and playing together on the bottom step of their porch and how sweet and exciting it was to see them. Moments like that make me sad knowing Heidi will never have that time with Hudson nor will I be able to have the joy in seeing them interact. This year I should have had a toddler that I needed to chase around getting him out of the tree or to hide presents from...but it is all delayed still for another year. Next year we will be having those moments with Heidi. Only one when there should be two.
I am working on trying to find some sort of balance in my life. As a wife and mother I sometimes feel like I let myself and my needs get lost in the shuffle. I want to make sure John and Heidi are both cared for and happy and it can sometimes make me feel like I am just a prop in my own life rather than an actual character. With working and taking care of Heidi I have found it to be rather difficult to upkeep my portions of the housework. John has been great (luckily he is a neatfreak!!) at taking up my slack. A couple of months ago we had to sit and have a heart to heart about our family life because we were both so frustrated at each other. Me at him because I was exhausted in Heidi's daily activities and work and him with me because of the housework. Slowly I am trying to make more time to do things I enjoy - for instance getting back to regularly blogging and taking care of things like waxing my eyebrows :) Heidi is finally able to "big girl play" so I am able to pick up more housework chores as well.
A couple of months ago I had mentioned about the car selling and giving my bonus to our church. Well....I made the bonus! Never had I been so excited to give money to our church! We gave our check (I never deposited it - just signed it over) at the Christmas Eve service.
I am sure much more has been going through my crazy head and hopefully I am able to finally make time to blog about those crazy thoughts. Until then - Happy New Year! I hope 2011 is a quiet and uneventful year for the Henninger Family!!

Crawling

She's trying so hard!! I am sure by the end of this month she will be crawling around like a pro :)

Christmas

The Henninger family had a wonderful Christmas celebration! On Christmas Eve we went to church with my side of the family and then to my sister's house to eat dinner. After dinner John, Heidi, and I went home to go to bed so we could wake up for Christmas morning!

When morning came we ate a french toast casserole and let Heidi open up her presents from us, her Gamma and Paw-Paw Henninger, Uncle Tres, Aunt Tina, and Olivia and Santa! Heidi is so very blessed to have family that loves her so much and to give her such wonderful presents at Christmas (and all!!) time. John and I do want to make sure that we keep Heidi in touch with more of the giving side of Christmas and not wrapped up in the getting part of Christmas. We have decided that we are not going to be ones that fill an entire room with gifts just for Heidi. When Heidi is older we plan on doing things for other families as ways to show her how much more rewarding giving can be and feel. This year, of course, Heidi was more into the wrapping paper than anything else :) She loved to eat it!

Later in the day my parents came over to eat lunch and then we let Heidi open up her gifts from Grandma and Pop-Pop Kirkland. Today we really started to notice how Heidi is such a big girl. She "big girl plays" as we like to call it. We can sit her down with her new toys and she will sit there and entertain herself. She's growing up so much! At some point in the afternoon we all ended up taking naps. I didn't know everyone else had until I woke up after I went and laid down with Heidi. Knowing they all napped did not make me feel quite as bad for falling asleep :) Next my sister and her family came over for more present opening. Hugh, Emily, and Georgia all opened their presents and so did us "big kids". Heidi opened up her present from them as well. We ended the night by playing Buzz Word and then after everyone left we relaxed and headed to bed! OH - Heidi now likes to pull herself up. She will pull up on everything! The only thing is she doesn't think she needs to keep holding on after she's standing so we have to watch her carefully!!

In a Year

Last year Christmas was hard. I remember every time the Pampers "Silent Night" commercial with all of the sleeping newborns came on I would have to change the channel or it would mean an hour sob-fest for me. I saw that commercial for the first time this season tonight and of course this time it was images of Heidi sleeping that filled my head. Time definitely heals the wound of a grieving heart - whether it is fast or slow.

A friend if mine shared this poem with me and I think its absolutely perfect.

I am spending Christmas in Heaven this year.

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,

with tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but, the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description to hear an angel sing.

I can't tell you of the splendor, or the peace here in this place,
can you just imagine the Christmas with our Savior, face to face?

I'll ask him to light your spirit, as I tell him of your love.

So then pray for another as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your heart be joyful, and let your spirit sing,
for I'm spending Christmas in Heaven and I'm walking with the King.

-John Mooney

Santa

We went to visit Santa and saw the Chic-Fil-A cow as well!!

Heidi - 6 Months

Heidi, today you are 6 months old! Can you believe it? I know I probably say the same thing each month, but I cannot believe how fast our little baby girl is becoming a little girl. She will no longer be a little baby anymore...

Currently you are trying so hard to crawl - you want to be on the move so badly! I know it will not be much longer until you will be following our every move by crawling under our feet. Clothes that fit you are mainly in the 3-6 month, 6 month, and 6-9 month sizes. Diapers are a size 3. We are still breastfeeding and you still love to eat :) I made a lot of homemade baby food (butternut squash, green beans, sweet potatoes) and you eat a "meal" about once a day, but you really do not care to eat anything but your milk. We have begun feeding you apples and bananas - and you think they are just "ok".

Each day you seem to grow more and more. I feel like tomorrow you are going to be going off to college! You are weighing in at 18 lbs 12 ozs and you are 24.5 inches long. You're a healthy little chunk! The doctors are impressed with your height and weight and your development. You have now celebrated your first Thanksgiving and we are so very thankful for you. You traveled on an airplane, visited your family in Pittsburgh and you stood in your first snow!

Trip to Pittsburgh

This weekend we made a last minute trip to Pittsburgh. John's grandmother passed away and we were able to make it up there to be with his side of our family during the funeral and family events. This trip was Heidi's first time to meet her Pittsburgh aunts, uncles, and cousins! The trip was also to be her first on a plane!! I was so nervous taking her on the plane - not knowing how she would act. We had a very early flight on Friday morning so we left Heidi in her pjs and headed to the airport. The first trip was so successful! Heidi slept the entire time! We made it to Atlanta and there we waited for our next trip and met up with Brad, Rebekah, Gavin, and Grace for the next flight to Pittsburgh. Heidi fell asleep on this trip as well - she was just perfect! When we arrived we were greeted by John's dad and Uncle Jim -as well as some cute little Steeler hats :) Throughout the week we visited with family and we were even able to play in the snow! Heidi was a big hit among all of her cousins and aunts and uncles. She had a great time!

We did start to see the beginning of her separation anxiety from mom. I was completely exhausted after this trip because Heidi only wanted to be held constantly by mommy - which I did not mind at all :) Our last night there we sledded in John's Uncle Jim's driveway with Rebecca and David. At first we started out with cardboard boxes and then the neighbor felt sorry for us and let us use a real sled! It was so much fun! The trip back was not as pleasant. Heidi was a little fussy on the first trip and then when we arrived in Atlanta we found out our next flight was canceled and we were booked on a later flight, but we were able to catch a flight that was earlier - which was great because we were hosting our Bible study's Christmas party that night! Poor Heidi had the worst time getting to sleep - its going to take awhile to get her back on schedule!