Below are pictures from Captain Matthew Freeman's homecoming. The streets were filled for miles - with friends and strangers alike in respect for this brave man.
Some Things I’ve Loved Wearing
9 months ago
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The South
In the previous blog I mentioned about my dear friend Matt who was shot in Afghanistan. He was on top of a building directing an air strike and then shot. Matt volunteered to go on top of that building. In the south we live and breath around food. When someone is celebrating or grieving food is brought. We converse in the kitchen around food and munch while solving the problems of the world. So, I made an Oreo pie to take to Matt's family. I love this pie. My sister used to be the one to make it at all holiday functions and now it is passed to me to make at the functions. I would much rather make a dessert than anything else. So, in case you are wondering about this nasty delight - wonder no more:
Ingredients:28 Oreos, 1 stick margarine, 1 small box instant vanilla pudding, 1 small box instant chocolate pudding, 3 cups milk, 8 ounces softened cream cheese, 2 - 8 ounces cool whip, 1 cup confectioners sugar
Spread Oreos in pan and mash with round cup or dish.
Melt margarine and pour over cookies.
Mix 1 cup of confectioners sugar, with cream cheese and 8 ounces of cool whip; spread on cookies.
Mix chocolate and vanilla pudding with milk until creamy; spread on top of cream cheese.
Take the other 8 ounces of cool whip and spread on top.
Sprinkle Oreo crumbs on top, enjoy and keep refrigerated!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Heaven's Gain...
Today I came home from work and was greeted with, "I have some bad news" from my mom. A childhood friend of mine - a friend I have known pretty much my whole life, one that I haven't had real contact with in years, was shot in hostile fire in Afghanistan. You never know the true extent to the war that is going on at the other end of the world until it's someone you know - someone you have grown up with and never knew a life without knowing that person. Were Matt and I close? No, we were just friends - not call and chat it up friends, but friends by way of growing up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Growing up in a church together where everyone spends time together. I knew his family, his mom was my 8th grade teacher. Matt's life had a huge impact on all that he knew - and so has his death. Thank you Matt, for being a friend to us all. Thank you Matt, for risking your life so that we may live ours freely. Thank you Matt, thank you.
Below are pictures I grabbed from his facebook...
His Fiancee - Theresa
His mom and 2 sisters
Walking With You
This week, we are sharing about the effect our loss(es) had on our children. If you did not have children at the time of your loss, we are also sharing about subsequent pregnancies (after the loss). If you have not had a pregnancy following the loss, yet, you may share your feelings about facing your next pregnancy.
I fall under the "facing your next pregnancy" column. Currently John and I are seeing a fertility doctor. I do not like to refer to our new doctor as that, but that is what he is called. We are seeing him to find out answers of why this could of happened and what we can do to prevent this from happening the next times. I already know that I will be a basket-case during our next pregnancy. I already had so much anxiety with Hudson because it was a new experience and I couldn't relate to anyone because pregnancy is so different for each woman. Now that I have experienced my greatest fear I am no longer afraid. I know that John and I can face whatever comes our way through this experience and we will face what happens in the future.
Am I looking forward to being pregnant again? Absolutely - I can not wait, but I am waiting. I am waiting to find out why my body did what it did and I am waiting for God's timing. Last time we waited for God's timing to be pregnant and I know that it will happen again. We have been so blessed by Hudson and we, as well as so many others, have changed by knowing him. I do know that I will probably go to the doctor weekly while pregnant, request more ultrasounds, and things like that, but I know they will be nurturing to my needs. I will probably also rent one of those heart monitors - I have heard that women like me can rent them for free somewhere.
I also know that I will be able to enjoy my pregnancy more than anyone else I know; having experienced losing Hudson. I will be able to cherish the memories and precious moments to a higher level. Of course I do will many of the same things - monthly e-mails and belly pictures to friends and family, maternity pictures, and have the scrapbook set and ready to go! It will be a fun time - when it's meant to happen.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Doctor Visits
The past few weeks I have been going to numerous doctors. I have been going to various ones for different reasons. Originally (back in February or March) I was determined that I was going to find that I had a terminal disease and that is why Hudson died. Don't worry I no longer think that - now that I have been checked out! Anyways, I have always been a hypocondriac - I feel a pain in my hip and I assume it's the disease where my joint is being eaten away. I take a pain to the next level always assuming the worst. I think I do that to prepare myself for the worst possible situation.
For the past 2 and a 1/2 years I have had this horrible pain in my lower back. I know exactly how I hurt it - it was during a flag football game; I was pulling a flag and twisted something in my lower back. Two weeks ago I was in horrible pain - I could not bend over and my hip was killing me. I was hurting so bad that I started taking Viccodin - which is a huge deal because I never take any medicine. I don't even take aspirin or Tylenol. Anyways, I finally went to see a chiropractor. I probably would have gone before, but my insurance through the bank did not cover chiropractic services - luckily we are now under John's insurance and they do!
I went to have my consult and of course I think they are going to find something, some tumor of some sort and I only have a few months to live. Well, good news! No tumor, but my back needs some adjusting. My lower back is twisted (If you did not know - your spine is the interstate for the nerves and if your spine is not straight there is pressure on the nerves therefore your organs are not being given the right signals from your brain and vice versa. SOO...you are not at 100% health if your spine is off. Oh and on a second thought - the lumber are connected to your reproductive organs...) and cocked a little. My neck is phase II and apparently I stick my head out. Phase II means that instead of bending back like it is supposed to, it is straight up - almost forward even. I need to have it moved about 35mm - which is a lot. The past 2 weeks I have been going for regular adjustments and you know what? My lower back has not been having problems and I have been sleeping so much better. I know that my back has not been fixed overnight and I still have 85 more visits/adjustments, but it does feel better!
Ok - the second doctor is a dermatologist. Initially I went to the dermatologist because while I was pregnant I had this mole that started itching. The mole was on my chest - on the side. I was not sure if it was from the growing/stretching or if something was wrong. Naturally I assumed I had skin cancer - they took my mole and nope, everything was normal. Today I had to go back for a 6 month check up and once again one little mole did not make it out. I promise I wear sunscreen!
Third doctor - this is a big one. John and I have started seeing a fertility doctor. No, we're not trying to get pregnant; we're going to try and find some answers. I had my initial appointment 2 weeks ago where I went alone and met with the nurse to go over an extensive history of me, my family, John, and his family. This past Tuesday John and I both had to go to the appointment and it lasted about 2 and a 1/2 hours. First I had a physical and all that wonderful girl stuff. Next John and I went into the doctor's office (literally his office where his desk sits) and we went over what he found and what he thinks might be why everything happened. He began with my history and going over a few things with me and also by going over Hudson, the placenta, and cord. The first thing he found was that my placenta was too thick - it was growing too fast and pretty much it was too big. Next he talked about the cord. Instead of being in the center (like a mushroom) of the placenta it was more towards the side. This told him that there was not a proper blood flow. Now, these are all preliminary findings - he is sending the slides off to a pathologist, but from what he can see so far is what he was explaining.
The moment he started talking about the placenta and how something was wrong with it I began to tear up and then cry. I was not upset talking about the "unfortunate event", but I felt relieved. Why, might you ask? The past 6 (almost 7 months) I have felt nothing short of guilt. Everyday I would ask myself what I did wrong during my pregnancy. I would back track and replay those 30 weeks and try to search somewhere for something that I did wrong. Constantly searching for an answer knowing that it was me that somehow caused this, that I made Hudson die. So yes, it was such a relief to hear that I had something wrong with me and Hudson's death was not due to a choice or decision I made. We also discussed my irregular cycles deeming that I have an ovulation disorder. I recently went 52 days in between cycles - and that is not uncommon for me. I have never been on birth control which some girls go on to help regulate that, but instead just went with the flow - go to speak, gross I know. Anyways, I learned that the later you ovulate correlates with a higher miscarriage and loss rate. That is not to say that if you ovulate late you will have either of those, just that it is more frequent than those that ovulate on a typical day 14.
From the ultrasounds they performed that day we also discovered you could see my blood vessels in my ovaries - which means my blood is too thick. Then we also found some "bright spots" within the ovary which may mean I have some sort of electrical problem - side effects being irregularity, headaches, and something else I can't remember. I have the irregularity, but my mom has horrific headaches - that is where genetics fall into place. I am sure that I have some of the terminology wrong and some of the details are fuzzy, but you get the main idea. Our next step is/was a series of tests. John and I had to go to the lab for some blood work and then I have to go back for another test and then they are also going to do a biopsy on part of my endometrian wall - I think that's what they want to biopsy. I also have to have an ecocardiogram due to my past heart murmur/mitralvalveprolapse; that is next week. Monday I go back for another test as well.
So that is me in a nut shell the past few weeks - happy to be broken because it frees my guilt. It also prepares me for the future - if I have a daughter I will make sure she is tested for all of these things before getting pregnant. Unfortunately for me the women in my family all had endemetriosus and had healthy pregnancies. I didn't have that and, well, we all know my story by now.
For the past 2 and a 1/2 years I have had this horrible pain in my lower back. I know exactly how I hurt it - it was during a flag football game; I was pulling a flag and twisted something in my lower back. Two weeks ago I was in horrible pain - I could not bend over and my hip was killing me. I was hurting so bad that I started taking Viccodin - which is a huge deal because I never take any medicine. I don't even take aspirin or Tylenol. Anyways, I finally went to see a chiropractor. I probably would have gone before, but my insurance through the bank did not cover chiropractic services - luckily we are now under John's insurance and they do!
I went to have my consult and of course I think they are going to find something, some tumor of some sort and I only have a few months to live. Well, good news! No tumor, but my back needs some adjusting. My lower back is twisted (If you did not know - your spine is the interstate for the nerves and if your spine is not straight there is pressure on the nerves therefore your organs are not being given the right signals from your brain and vice versa. SOO...you are not at 100% health if your spine is off. Oh and on a second thought - the lumber are connected to your reproductive organs...) and cocked a little. My neck is phase II and apparently I stick my head out. Phase II means that instead of bending back like it is supposed to, it is straight up - almost forward even. I need to have it moved about 35mm - which is a lot. The past 2 weeks I have been going for regular adjustments and you know what? My lower back has not been having problems and I have been sleeping so much better. I know that my back has not been fixed overnight and I still have 85 more visits/adjustments, but it does feel better!
Ok - the second doctor is a dermatologist. Initially I went to the dermatologist because while I was pregnant I had this mole that started itching. The mole was on my chest - on the side. I was not sure if it was from the growing/stretching or if something was wrong. Naturally I assumed I had skin cancer - they took my mole and nope, everything was normal. Today I had to go back for a 6 month check up and once again one little mole did not make it out. I promise I wear sunscreen!
Third doctor - this is a big one. John and I have started seeing a fertility doctor. No, we're not trying to get pregnant; we're going to try and find some answers. I had my initial appointment 2 weeks ago where I went alone and met with the nurse to go over an extensive history of me, my family, John, and his family. This past Tuesday John and I both had to go to the appointment and it lasted about 2 and a 1/2 hours. First I had a physical and all that wonderful girl stuff. Next John and I went into the doctor's office (literally his office where his desk sits) and we went over what he found and what he thinks might be why everything happened. He began with my history and going over a few things with me and also by going over Hudson, the placenta, and cord. The first thing he found was that my placenta was too thick - it was growing too fast and pretty much it was too big. Next he talked about the cord. Instead of being in the center (like a mushroom) of the placenta it was more towards the side. This told him that there was not a proper blood flow. Now, these are all preliminary findings - he is sending the slides off to a pathologist, but from what he can see so far is what he was explaining.
The moment he started talking about the placenta and how something was wrong with it I began to tear up and then cry. I was not upset talking about the "unfortunate event", but I felt relieved. Why, might you ask? The past 6 (almost 7 months) I have felt nothing short of guilt. Everyday I would ask myself what I did wrong during my pregnancy. I would back track and replay those 30 weeks and try to search somewhere for something that I did wrong. Constantly searching for an answer knowing that it was me that somehow caused this, that I made Hudson die. So yes, it was such a relief to hear that I had something wrong with me and Hudson's death was not due to a choice or decision I made. We also discussed my irregular cycles deeming that I have an ovulation disorder. I recently went 52 days in between cycles - and that is not uncommon for me. I have never been on birth control which some girls go on to help regulate that, but instead just went with the flow - go to speak, gross I know. Anyways, I learned that the later you ovulate correlates with a higher miscarriage and loss rate. That is not to say that if you ovulate late you will have either of those, just that it is more frequent than those that ovulate on a typical day 14.
From the ultrasounds they performed that day we also discovered you could see my blood vessels in my ovaries - which means my blood is too thick. Then we also found some "bright spots" within the ovary which may mean I have some sort of electrical problem - side effects being irregularity, headaches, and something else I can't remember. I have the irregularity, but my mom has horrific headaches - that is where genetics fall into place. I am sure that I have some of the terminology wrong and some of the details are fuzzy, but you get the main idea. Our next step is/was a series of tests. John and I had to go to the lab for some blood work and then I have to go back for another test and then they are also going to do a biopsy on part of my endometrian wall - I think that's what they want to biopsy. I also have to have an ecocardiogram due to my past heart murmur/mitralvalveprolapse; that is next week. Monday I go back for another test as well.
So that is me in a nut shell the past few weeks - happy to be broken because it frees my guilt. It also prepares me for the future - if I have a daughter I will make sure she is tested for all of these things before getting pregnant. Unfortunately for me the women in my family all had endemetriosus and had healthy pregnancies. I didn't have that and, well, we all know my story by now.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Cindy's Shower
Today was Cindy's shower - her bachelorette was last weekend - and here are some pictures
from the event.
Toni, Melissa, me, and Cindy
Hunter's Friend
I forgot to put up the pictures of Hunter's friend Hadley. While I was away for some of the weekend John's boss asked if we would babysit his puppy Hadley. Hunter and the pup had a blast! We were a little worried because Hunter is territorial and does not like to share, but he warmed up to her. The funniest thing was on Sunday night after I got home. Hunter has never had a crate - the only time he's been in a cage was when he was in the pound as a puppy or at the groomers, but this time he really wanted Hadley's toy. I put pictures below.
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