Doctor - Take 1

Post written - November 24, 2011
Tuesday I spoke with Judy at Dr. Odom's office. John and I have decided that we are ready to start adding to our little family. There are still so many things to think about in this decision. Heidi is still nursing and my concern would be with all the medicines I have to take while pregnant. I have to go into the lab for a few tests (pre-pregnancy) to check my levels and then we will go from there.

Due to the costs of medicines, doctor visits, and potential freak-out visits we have a "plan" {although I do snicker a little bit when I think about "my plans" knowing its all in God's timing} to have our pregnancy within one calendar year for deductible purposes. Then with John and his job during the holiday season and mine during tax season we have decided that August-October is the best time for us to deliver. Basically we have a couple of months to work with in our "getting pregnant" plan. If it doesn't work in that timeline it will be okay too.

Of course in thinking about a future pregnancy the worries and anxiety are already coming about in my head. Will this pregnancy "work-out"? Will I be able to love this child as much as I do Heidi? How will I spread my time? Can I handle more than 1 child? Will I even get pregnant again? Will I be planning another funeral instead? If this one is a boy will it be harder emotionally?

I have decided to keep a lot of the details private as the pregnancy plans move along. Not because I do not want to share {because I will, just later in the journey, not as it goes} but because with Heidi I was so overwhelmed at times. When we found out at 9 weeks that something might be wrong it added to the anxiety that everyone knew what was going on. I know I will probably change my mind because if something does go wrong I want to have as many prayers as possible, but at the same time....its a no win situation.

There is also so much anxiety because so many of my friends are expecting. I think I am worried something is going to happen to one of us. I don't think I could go through it again and I definitely do not wish it upon anyone else. My sister-in-law and her husband are preparing to work on making an addition to their family as well. I know that she is so excited to have a little one and she has been getting things ready for months - reading books, purchasing items, and already starting to set up a nursery. I guess I am so nervous for them and I am praying that everything goes smoothly for them. It makes me nervous that she has everything all ready for a little one and they aren't even pregnant yet. I would hate for it to be tough for them getting pregnant or something go wrong and she has all the baby items to be a constant reminder. I just have to keep telling myself not to worry and it is all going to work out the way it is supposed to work.

For my own sanity I do feel grateful that I do not have to purchase very many things for our next little one - whether boy or girl - before the arrival. I remember how anxious I was about cutting price tags and washing new items while I was pregnant with Heidi in fear that I would need to return everything.