I finally caught up on blog reading. Wow - its has taken for.e.v.er. Seriously. No, really. I was at least 2 weeks behind for a couple of months. Personal time at the computer is limited to reading blogs (catching up!) and a facebook post here and there.
I had mentioned about a friend that started a cleaning business and that they came to our house a couple of times. Dear friends you are going to learn something about me tonight/today. I hate to clean and I am a messy person. There - I said it. If John and I ever argue about anything (which is pretty rare!) its about housework. I look at it as if I am already working about 13 hours a day which would be 7am - 8pm with Heidi and my job. I feel as if I cannot spend quality time with Heidi if I worry about the housework. I also cannot have a moment of time to myself if I worry about the housework. So, I don't :) Now, do not get me wrong - I hate dirt and the house being dirty. I just don't want to take the time to clean it! Heidi does not allow me to clean either :) She would much rather we spend our time playing and snuggling!
A few weeks ago my friend started this business and I thought, what the heck. I am stressed and I want to have a clean house for John. So in came Dazzling Diva's to the rescue! Can I tell you how much better I feel? SO MUCH! I feel like I can keep up with everything now. As much as I feel relieved it also feels kind of like a let down. Like I have failed at being able to do everything. I feel like I should be able to handle it all. Work, take care of Heidi with all the wonderful activities we can do together, spend time with John when we can, clean, cook, laundry, and a little bit of me time. I have no idea who I was talking to the other day about guilt, but she said that she never knew how much guilt she could feel until she became a parent. How true that is...
I always tell myself, well if I were staying home with Heidi I would have it all clean and spotless - have dinner on the table homecooked each night. If I were staying at home I would not feel guilty for wanting a little bit of me time and I would not feel guilty needing to take her to a sitter or MDO if I needed to clean the house. Even though my job gives me the opportunity to take off when I need to and to have Heidi up there if I need to its just not the same.
SO - I got up to finish some laundry and I definitely forgot where I was heading with this post. Oh well, just some thoughts I guess :)
I guess to sum it all I feel great about having a clean house and I just hope that maybe some of the guilt can be swept under the rug now that the dirt is gone from it. Just waiting for that day when I am at home with the kiddos. Well, just Heidi for now, but there will be more at some point in time! Who knows when!! Hee-hee-hee!
Friday Fellowship - Jenna Buettemeyer
15 minutes ago