Happy Birthday Hudson

I am sure this post is a much anticipated post wondering what I felt, did, and thought about on during the birthday remembrance of Hudson. This weekend John and I traveled to Atlanta to visit family for our nephew's second birthday - which is on the 17th. We missed his birthday last year while we were having Hudson and starting our new path of grief. We did not visit the cemetery - I have written about the subject of cemeteries. Instead I speak the day with family and friends. I started off by going to see my niece at her ballet class and visiting with Tres and Tina. Next I went back to Brad and Rebekah's (our nephew's parents) to take the Henninger family pictures. We went to a professional photographer. Our next mission was dinner and then we went to a friend's house to see them. That was our day.

We spend each day remembering Hudson. I didn't have anything special to plan. I will go on to say that this past year has been a complete blur and I cannot believe that it has been an entire year since I have seen and held my son. An entire year. I have learned so much about myself, John, and life. Hudson has taught me so much - and shown me so many things that one could not even imagine.

I have learned how strong of a person I am.

I have learned that no matter what I will trust in God.

I have seen a change in others with their families.

I wanted to close with sharing a letter that was sent to me. I feel exactly the same way that is portrayed in this letter. It is from a friend of mine that has a son about the same age as Hudson. She has been a wonderful support person throughout this whole year and I thank God for her friendship and love. Thank you to everyone who remembered this special day in our life and remembering our son - the one who made us a mom and dad for the first time. Please to continue to pray for our second child who will make us parents.

January 16, 2010

Dear Hudson:

Happy Birthday! One year ago, you were born too early to your mom and dad. Do you know I just celebrated my 1st birthday a few weeks ago too? I sure wish you were around…I know my mommy would have loved to watch you grow on facebook, and talk with your mommy about all those crazy baby things. I would have loved to come on play-dates whenever I visited Richmond Hill, my grandpa still lives down there! But as I celebrated my birthday, I wondered something. Maybe you were my guardian angel. I know our mommies have only met a few times, and that was years ago, but my mommy always really liked yours, and she thinks and talks about her often. Back to the guardian angel thing. When you were no longer alive in your mommies belly, I was going through major surgery to save my life. I always felt someone there with me…was that you? Was it because you left too early that I got to stay? If so, thank you for watching over me. Because you left too early, and your parents miss you so bad, it makes my mommy love me even more. She was close to losing me, but through the grace of God (who I bet is cool by the way, since you’re hanging out with him!) she got to keep me here. It makes every moment she has with me special, even those trying ones, like when I kept getting mystery illnesses and didn’t sleep very well. None of that crying-it-out stuff for me (I’ve got her trained J) She’d probably tell you thank you too, for making her grateful, though I know she wishes she never knew someone like you that died. She would have rather been a little ungrateful.

Anyways, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Did you know I have a cousin named Hudson? He’s 4, and pretty cool, and when I hear his name I think of you. You’re a lucky guy. So many people down here on stinky earth love you, miss you, and pray for you and your parents. Your mommy and daddy are excited to have your sibling arrive soon, but I know they still wish it was you. Though you didn’t get to breathe on earth, at least we know you’re perfect, just hanging out in heaven, waiting on all of us to come hang out there with you. We’re brothers, through God’s grace, and hopefully one day I can come up there and kick a soccer ball around with you.

Happy 1st Birthday!