I was on my facebook account today and decided to take one of those stupid quizzes. Everyone is doing them so I figured why not take a shot ( did you just think to yourself, "if everyone jumped into a burning building would you?") and see what they have to say. Of course the first one that pops up is the "How many Children will you Have" quiz so I take it - why? I have no idea why I opted for this particular one. Well, it proceeded to ask me a series of questions - are you patient (yes), how much money do you makes, etc...then I got my results.
Apparently I am to be the mother of two boys very close in age and very close to each other. Now, me the over-analyst, thought for a moment. Does this mean that:
1- Hudson is to watch over our next child and we will have him soon so that they will be close in age?
2- We will have two more boys and they will be close in age and the quiz just didn't think about those that have lost children?
I guess it would be too much to ask for the simple little quiz to say, "you will have a loss of a child and then you will continue on to have 3 other perfectly healthy children." Deep down its what I probably wanted it to say, as if this quiz was to be my magic crystal ball telling me about my child-baring future. It would make things a lot easier if I knew that our next baby was going to go through full term and come out screaming and kicking. I guess that's the biggest part of being a a parent - knowing that you will go through heartbreak throughout parenthood.
Mothers and fathers go through so many emotions with children - learning to let go as they get older, listening to their children as they learn from their mistakes and trying not to interfere with their lives. Maybe its not exactly "heartbreak hotel", but there is a lot of sadness in being a parent. Sadness of time passing so fast right before your eyes as the little tiny baby that was so dependent on you for all daily functions grows and becomes their own person who is independent and free from your hovering. John and I just had our heartbreak earlier than most parents. Maybe we needed Hudson more than he needed us and that is part of what makes not having him here with us even harder.
By the way - I also took the "which character from Steel Magnolias are you ?" quiz and I am Shelby. Go figure!
18 hours ago