Baby #3

Well, it has been made official - because nothing is official until its on Facebook, right? John and I are expecting our third baby. We could not be more excited! There are reasons, though, as to why we waited so long to let people know about our joyous news. Most of you are familiar with our life story. You all know of our sweet first born Hudson and how he is already in Heaven. That was almost four years ago. If you remember the major details of Hudson's story you will remember that Hudson's due date was the end of March and our new baby is due two weeks later than that - April 12th. To say I have been experiencing deja vu the last 22 1/2 weeks is an understatement. The pregnancy feels exactly the same; that is probably why I knew it was a boy immediately. {By the way - I am three for three in knowing our genders}.

Its scary. Really scary. I am put right back in the spot where I was four years ago. All I have been able to do is give everything to God and know that regardless of what happens I will be okay. Shortly after we found out we were expecting {August 7th}our church had a service where our preacher asked us to give what we were scared of {at least that is what I got out of it} to God - completely. After the service we were to write it out on a chalkboard. Pregnancy is where Satan can play with my head. This is were I am vulnerable in my life. I knew that I needed to take a stand and give this fear to God. So, on the chalkboard I wrote that I would not live in fear and I would trust in the Lord that I would have a smooth pregnancy and healthy baby at the end of this journey.

It has been an easy pregnancy, not counting the fact that I feel like my uterus is going to fall out every time I stand up, and I am thankful for that. I have not had any anxiety attacks - which is amazing. I have been able to enjoy my pregnancy so far - something I never thought possible. There have been a few hiccups that we have faced and are facing, but I am not letting them send me into a fury of google searches or freak out mode. At our last appointment {where we confirmed that my mother's instinct is top notch} we found that I have a 2-vessel cord instead of a 3-vessel cord. No one seemed alarmed at this finding, so I am not going to let myself get alarmed. The only thing they would see in the past is that babies with 2 vessel cords might not have 2 kidneys, but we have 2 so we are good there. I will be monitored closely, but I was already going to be monitored closely so the plan is still the same.

When we were told we were having another boy I cried. I was so excited. The first words I could say, besides, "I knew I was right" were "I know that God will not let anything happen to another little boy of mine". I felt that everything had to be okay. Living with that thought and then also reliving Hudson's pregnancy can be exhausting emotionally. To saw I am ready for March/April is an understatement.

I think part of me wanted to keep it a secret forever, well at least until after the delivery :) I know that would have been completely impossible. I was already running into people and at this point it is quite obvious that I am pregnant. Some people {me} just get big when they are pregnant. Its also my third, so there is that too. I didn't try to hide it intentionally, but I also did not want to volunteer the information quite yet.

Part of me was not ready. The questions and comments can be hurtful, even if they are not meant to be taken that way. I'm not ready to hear "you are going to love having a little boy" or comments about juggling two children. Putting the timing, the pregnancy in general, and the comments altogether can be overwhelming for anyone. There is still the fear of something happening and having to relive the grief again for a second time. The fear will always be there. I could probably go on to have 10 more babies {I'm not because seriously, my uterus is about to fall out...} and I would be scared with each of them.

As we continue on with this pregnancy please say a prayer for us. That everything will go smoothly and that there will not be any issues, that we will have a strong and healthy little boy.