Holding My Breath

I finished my cry fest (on Saturday) and I am ready to stop being negative Nancy. So no, I really haven't been negative; just scared. Not scared because I have to check my glucose levels each day, that's not a big deal to me, but scared of potential results. My glucose monitor just arrived today so tomorrow I will take it to the doctor to learn what to do. I have not had anything sweet in 2 days (besides fruit) - which is fine, no big deal, except I made some brownies on Friday night. I just sit and stare at them...its sad really. Last night I made John tell me how horrible they tasted. He said they were stale - I knew they wouldn't have been just yet. I used to be a "sweetaholic" and then I stopped and changed my entire eating habits. Now I feel as if I cannot even splurge. I know that its possible and I can, but I feel that I need to take drastic measures for the next 13 weeks. At this point I am back on the bandwagon for induction as soon as possible. I hope to discuss that with my regular OB at my appointment next week. I do not want to take a chance on anything going wrong because of my body and its (dys)functioning.

Luckily I have friends, family, and an amazing husband that are trying to take my worry away. John is positive that everything is going to be just great with BG and nothing is going to happen. Saturday was an emotional day for me anyway - it was Hudson's original due date. In my mind I should have been having his first birthday party while waiting for the birth of his little sister. Sometimes it makes it harder knowing that BG would still be here even if Hudson was still here. John and I want our children to be close in age and actually the original plan was what is panning out now - except we would have Hudson here.

At the moment I feel like I am holding my breath. I feel like everyone has been holding their breath with me - which is a lot of breath holding. There is going to be a huge gust of wind when BG is born as everyone exhales.

I need to start recording my thoughts when I take walks with Hunter. My post would've sounded so much better had I not forgotten other thoughts I had. Speaking of forgetting. I need to write a little prayer request list on here - please pray for the following:

1) BG

2) My nephew Hugh. Remember the infected saliva gland? Well, from the scan that was performed they found a cyst on his brain. Its still too new to determine what needs to be done. Soccer and football are out. On Sunday he passed out and had a small seizure and was taken to the emergency room. The doctor does not believe the cyst is related - I will update when more information is given.

3) My grandmother - still with Alzheimer's. She fell and broke her arm and hip a few weeks ago and is now in a rehab nursing home for the next 3 months.

4) My dear friend Katie's father - they have found cancer and today he had a bone scan to see if
it has spread. We are praying that it has not.

5) My dear friend Christine's little girl that is due in May. I had mentioned before about the dilated kidney; so pray that it will all work itself out when she arrives!

I know I have more....I will add more as I get my thoughts together!!