Project 365 - Day 117

Remember the Triscuit incident at work? We have a new food incident! I always have food at work in case I need a quick snack. I keep a jar of peanut butter very handy because I can just dip into it with a spoon and then it will help me if I feel like my sugar levels are too low. Today I brought a banana and I thought that the peanut butter would be a great treat to eat with it! WELL, I went to open the jar and the lid was loose - THEN there were dips in it....as in someone had stuck their fingers into the jar of peanut butter. Not only that, but there was peanut butter on the side of the jar from having it on their fingers. GROSS AND RUDE!! Who does that? Seriously? I mean I don't even know whose hands got into it, if they were clean, or anything. My day was ruined...

I told the guys at work that if they did it that was disgusting and they deserve to be shot. They blamed the kids (as in my niece and nephew). I told them I knew it wasn't them because they always ask me for my snacks. Someone owes me a box of Triscuits and a jar of peanut butter...

Frustrated

It happens to every pregnant woman. Everyday towards the end you are asked if the baby is here yet or when it will be here, etc. It really isn't annoying (unless a certain person asks you every 5 minutes and you tell them they are irritating you by asking 5 million times and then they stop - thanks!) but it happens. So we deal with it. We deal with the "whoas" the "how many are you carrying" the comments about everything possible. We even somehow deal with the strange woman in in Food Lion that pats your belly as she is walking by and says, "Not too much longer!". Yes, that happened and she almost lost that arm, my hands were full with boxes of cereal. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have all the other questions and have to listen to needless advice from everyone and their Aunt Sue. Advice is great and I am thankful I have so many knowledgeable friends and family members, but its still out of order.

I have been through the labor process before. I have given birth before. I know what to expect. I did this before most of my friends. So it kind of stings when advice is given that I should have been giving for the past year. Make sense? So as much as everyone tries to be helpful it hurts at the same time. I know that no one is trying to hurt my feelings and one day it might not sting so much - one day. You know what goes through my head sometimes? This is really awful...awful awful. I think to myself well, when someone has to bury their child I will be able to give advice and experience on that subject. How terrible does that sound?? I would never wish that upon anyone, but its how bitter the subject is. I become bitter and upset when I am told to be patient and and hang in there because you want to know what it feels like? I feel like I have been pregnant for almost 2 years. June 2008 was when our journey with having kids and pregnancy began - so for 2 years we have basically been pregnant and still pregnant - waiting.

I guess I sometimes feel like I am a step behind everyone else and I am always playing catch up. John and I dated forever and then we finally got engaged (which is definitely ok and fine!) - before we got engaged, the same time or after our engagement everyone that only dated a short while got engaged as well. Then we got pregnant - and well you know that story. So then others started getting pregnant and their having all their babies after Hudson but before our BG and it makes everything feel like its crumbling down on me - trying to tread water to stay "in line" with everyone else. The truth is I really don't care about doing what everyone else is, but right now it just seems unfair.

I have learned that everyone has their own path and mine is full of detours that I have had to take - and that is fine. Well, I am still learning that it is fine. I am learning that I cannot control everything in my life. I like to have my life planned like a perfect little timeline and its not anymore. I am learning more and more that God is in control and ultimately HE is the one that I need to worry about and have a "perfect" relationship with; that is what matters. I do not like to ask for help - really ever. I have been doing that lately and letting go of things. The laundry has been piling up and my dishes are left everywhere - luckily I have a wonderful husband that takes up my slack. The nursery is not even close to being finished and I am okay with that as well. I asked my parents to come over this weekend to help with setting up the furniture and help me get organized - and to help my poor little weeded flower bed. Luckily they are excited to do so :)

I don't even know how I got on the subject of everything above. When I sat to write this post was going to write about how I am mad that the doctor that delivered Hudson mentioned that I would go early - like 36-37 weeks for delivery. So since then I have had it in my mind that this baby should be here - now. I don't deal well with things not happening when I am expecting them too. I am, however, proud of how I am handling the situation this time. I have a perfect example of a time when it would have been a travesty and I would have been sobbing, pleading, and having a panic attack. It was back in high school (when I was Miss Sensitive - "look at me the wrong way and I will cry") and I had this awful plantar wart on my foot. Gross, I know. It got to the point where it hurt to walk...then to cheer...and then to dance. At that point something had to be done. We went to some doctor and he tried to freeze it off - well, that made the little sucker spread and turn bigger. Next we went to my dermatologist - whom I had a very close relationship to being that I had awful skin and I was allergic to everything that touched my skin. Well, I had it in my mind that at that very visit this painful wart would be taken care of - it would be cut out and done with. WELL, apparently the wart was too big and too deep that I would bleed to death (ok, not really, but I would bleed a lot) and I needed to go to a plastic surgeon to have it lasered off. Ok, no big deal right? Just take me there and lets get it done. So, the plastic surgeon we wanted to use was the same one that stitched up the skin beside my eye when I was hit with a metal baseball bat. Apparently he was busy that day - so I through a royal tantrum, the biggest hissy fit a 17 year old girl could throw. Seriously - I started to hyperventilate. I had it in my mind and was ready for this painful torturous event and it needed to happen then - I was mentally prepared. So, I don't know what happened, but Dr. Van made room for me and we had it lasered off that day - maybe I passed out or something - I don't know. (On a side-note if you have not seen the root of a plantar wart you have missed out.)

The point is I was expecting something to happen and when it did not I went into hysterics. Not because I was being a brat or I had to have it my way, but because I had mentally prepared myself and it took so much energy to prepare for something like that - knowing it was going to be painful. See how much I have grown? I sit here calmly waiting for BG to make her arrival. I have not been begging for an induction just waiting patiently. Now, inside my mind is going crazy, but at least I have not thrown myself into fits about it! It is still frustrating, but I have to keep telling myself that each morning I wake up is one morning closer until I will hold my precious daughter in my arms.

Project 365 - Day 116

I wanted to share a picture of this little guy....

He was crossing the road on my way to the river over the weekend. So cute!!

Project 365 - Day 115

Just another rainy summer day...

Project 365 - Day 114

Hunter helping get BG's room in order...he was supervising.

Recital 2010

Recital was last night and the girls did an amazing job! I was/am so proud of them! I wish I had recorded the evening performance, but I at least have the matinee one - the evening performance was more amazing. So remember the LOSER post? Well, apparently I am not a loser after all. It was mentioned by a little birdie that I was a little upset with the non-recognition and it was announced on stage - as well as the other ones that helped with the recital. I was in the audience and had to walk up to the stage, but it was nice to be recognized. The dance studio teacher (whom I danced for 15 years under) apologized for not adding it and also mentioned that she never does. I, unfortunately, have a psychotic memory and remember when choreographer's names were listed under their dances.

These girls have worked incredibly hard this year and I can see how much improvement there has been just by watching them throughout the recital. They range from ages 13-17 so and there is a wide variety of technique and experience. Sometimes it can be challenging making sure you showcase each individualist talent but still making the group work and look good together. It can be difficult to make sure everyone is challenged in some level, but hopefully the girls felt challenged and they learned something this year. Considering I have not taught a dance class in 8-9 years and I have not choreographed anything in about 6 years they were a great group of girls to "break me in" again.

I have so much in store for these girls for next year and I am so excited! It will be nice to have a break for the next few months - everyone gets burnt out at some point. BG will be out in the world and I will be able to demonstrate exactly what steps should look like in dances and be able to dance more and not look like an Umpaloompa when on the floor rolling around. I really cannot say enough how proud I am of them and I hope to see them all again next year. I will miss Hannah, our lone senior, but she will be off doing great things of her own at college :)

Below are the dances. The first is from the end of the opening number - edited version of Thriller. The second is from the Kings of Leon song Closer and the last is Fever - scratch that...I have tried for 24 hours to get the videos to post and they won't!! UGH! Anyways - I will find a way or the patience to try again later :)

Project 365 - Day 113

Today my parents invited their small group to their place on the river for a cookout, boating and social time. My mom had told me about it at some point during the week and its a miracle I even thought about it! I had to decide between either cleaning the house or taking Hunter for a fun adventure to run around at the river...tough choice, right? So around noon time I packed up and we headed to the river! Hunter LOVES to run free around this place. He wears himself out completely exploring everywhere.

On the way there I sent John a text message of Hunter sitting in the back seat and said, "we're goin' on a trip! to be continued..." and he replied by asking where we were going. I told him that I would tell him in pictures. When we were off the interstate I took another picture of Hunter and wrote "almost there!". Once we arrived I let Hunter out of the car and then he ran around and the look on the faces of those outside was priceless. They thought some wild dog had run up on their party. Apparently my mom shot up so fast in the picnic house and scared everyone. Then my dad realized it was Hunter and called his name and Hunter went running up to him. My dad loves Hunter - he really wants another dog, but they are going to wait for awhile before getting one.

I sent John a text message with a picture of Hunter with the picnic house in the background and said, "we're here!!". I think he was a little nervous because he asked if I was there alone. John has been a little nervous these days making sure he knows where I am. He wants to make sure I will have a way to get to the hospital when the time comes. John told me that the only reason he has for having an induction would be so that it would be planned and we could be together knowing the time was about to come when I would need to get to the hospital. He's a little nervous dad right now. So sweet. I guess because I was only at the hospital for such a short moment before Hudson was born he wants to make sure we leave in time!