Tonight John and I went out to eat. In the bar area of the restaurant there was the normal sign that hangs in all bars - "WARNING - consumption of alcohol by pregnant women may cause birth defects". That got the little mouse in my head busy running. Why is it that those that drink get a warning about something happening to their babies? Why wasn't there something out there that could have warned me? Where was my sign - "WARNING - have a perfect pregnancy and you will still lose your child". How is it possible - me, the girl that would not eat deli meat, drink caffeine, etc, and still my child was the one that lost his heartbeat. Why me? Where was my warning?
It still amazes me that there are so many people out there that do not go about the "socially correct" way to have a child and yet I did and still - Hudson is not with us. Why is it that girls that are too young to be having children are popping out babies left and right? How is it that some girls claim to not even know they are pregnant and then go to the hospital and end up having a baby that is healthy and normal? It blows my mind that those girls claim to not know they were pregnant - how could they not feel their little one moving around? What did they think it was - a twitch?
This all just goes to show that no matter how perfect something goes there is still a chance at an unhappy ending. I remember being pregnant with a girl at work and she was always making comments about how easy my pregnancy was going and how hers was kicking her butt. At the time I thought I was the lucky one - not anymore.
This weekend I learned that the hardest and worst type of lose that people go through is that of the loss of a child. I can completely agree with that. For months and even years before you dream about having a child; someone that is apart of you and then in one instant those dreams are shattered and you are forever filled with an empty void of what ifs. It's crazy so many people try everyday to have kids without a thought of being heartbroken. Being heartbroken is the only thing I can think of now when it comes to having another child. John and I have been through that once, but would we be strong enough to go through it again? As badly as we want to have more children it is so hard to not have that thought going through our heads.
The Big Boo Cast, Episode 416
4 days ago
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3 comments:
Kim,
This was such a great post. It makes us realize that even us moms who do all the right things can still be the ones who have to say goodbye to our children far, far too soon. I am so sorry... it is so hard.
~ Stacy
I'm so glad you posted this. Sometimes I want to scream it at the top of my lungs!
I love your posts, Kimberly, and your honesty. I was terrified after my miscarriage to try again. I saw a Christian specialist who believes it is his calling from God to help those of us who want to have children and can't. I could give you a list of people who were told they couldn't have children who now are holding sweet little ones because of this man. I can also give you a list of people who never got a warning that anything was wrong until it was too late, like us, but that he's found and corrected what was wrong and now have little ones. He is meticulous and thorough. He is brilliant and dedicated. He ran tons of non-invasive tests, discovered problems no one else ever had, and walked with us through the danger zones with incredible commitment and personal care. We came so close to miscarrying again and losing our baby Kirk! His sac started collapsing. But the doctor caught it in time and at the first sign of problems, he jumped on it and adjusted meds and monitored daily. But what touched me most was when he said every morning in his quiet time that week he had prayed for Kirk's sac to grow. I honestly believe my baby Kirk would not be here if it weren't for that amazing man and our merciful Lord. His name is Dr. Lawrence Odom and he's in the professional building at Candler. You might want to think and pray about just going in and talking to him. You might just get the warning signs you need, as well as an experienced hand to hold! Luv you girl!
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