Driving by

The other day I was driving into town and my mind began to drift away in past memories. I began to think of when John and I first started having contractions with Hudson. I had been having them all day but did not think anything of it, but finally they started to become frequent and breathtaking. John timed each contraction and made note of the time in between each one. It was so exciting - that soon we were about to have our baby. We were about to experience childbirth, something we had been preparing for with birth classes and dreams. This was a different experience yet we were excited. A new chapter in our lives yet a closing of a dream as well.

Once John and I finally decided we needed to go to the hospital there was a rush of excitement - getting our bags together, family rushing to make it up there, and hoping we would make it in time. On the way up there I kept having harsh contractions, but there was still something more than contractions to what we were feeling. Maybe secretly I had a false hope that Hudson's heart was going to be beating once we delivered him. I'm still not sure why we had so much excitement knowing what we were facing ahead of us. I think it just proves how ready we were to meet our son, hold him, and how ready we were to be parents. Originally I had thought about a c-section knowing that emotionally I couldn't handle going back and forth to the hospital. Now that everything is over I would not change what we did in one way at all.

Its still crazy that it has only been a little over 3 months since we gave birth to Hudson. John and I both miss him horribly and would do anything to have him with us right now. If things had gone as we had planned he would be a month old now. We still know that God's plan is taking place in our lives and we are still relying fully on Him. It really is hard to give everything completely to Him, but as Christians we know that is what we are to do. Living that is so challenging. Sometimes the worship songs before the message at church can be so hard to sing because I really am facing and experiencing those words, especially this one:

Blessed be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll

Turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's "all as it should be"

Blessed be You name

And blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

I will bless Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name